Monday, August 06, 2007

Something Smells Minty

Vuboq is very tired, kittens.

Yesterday evening, Mike drove me over to Y's, where we were joined by two of Y's friends, for an evening of conversation and watermelon. Mmm. Watermelon.

Everyone left around 10. I went to bed around 10:30. I didn't sleep well because a) Y was studying [clicketyclicketyclickclack], b) the lights were on, c) I was thirsty but didn't want to get out of bed to get a drink.

Eventually, Y came to bed and woke me up for sex. I have this vague memory of smelling something minty. I wonder if he used a new lube or something? Anyway, after teh secks, we fell asleep ... but I didn't sleep all that well (mostly because of the thirst).

And, that was my Sunday night.

The other thing that has been on my mind is best illustrated by something that happened on Saturday morning.

For those of you unfamiliar with my home, my kitchen is fairly small and doesn't have a lot of counterspace. What it does have is 2 ovens (one of which is newish, but not connected). I have covered the not-connected oven with some cloth and use it for a counter. My microwave and toaster oven are kept in the dining nook.

Inexplicably, this arrangement seems to bother Y. He's been nagging me about moving the microwave and toaster oven into the kitchen, giving me various options (buying an extension cord, putting them *here* or *over there*, hiring an electrician to move the outlets). I told him I'd think about it ... because, well, having them in the dining nook is no big deal to me. And, I don't want to make any changes to the kitchen until I'm ready to completely redo the kitchen (because it needs to be completely redone). Still he nagged.

One of my (very few) personality faults is that the more someone nags me about something, the less likely I will be to do it. Even if I agree with whatever I'm being nagged about, just shut up already. I think it stems from my passive-aggressive teenage rebellious years. Mention it once or twice, and then let me deal with it in my own time, in my own way.

So, Saturday morning, after showering/sex, I'm getting dressed. I come out of the bathroom and Y is moving my microwave and toaster oven into the kitchen. "What are you doing," I asked.

"I wanted to surprise you."
"I'm surprised."

He had brought an extension cord, moved all my stuff off the not-connected stove, and put the small appliances there.

"See?" He beamed proudly. "It looks so much better, right?"
"Um. Well. Um," I said.

And, thus, I was thrust into the sticky situation of having to deal with someone who thought he had done something nice for me, but not being overly pleased he had done it. Not only did it restrict my counterspace in the kitchen, but all of the things that were on the not-connected stove were now piled on my dining nook table.

I told him I'd try it out to see how I liked it. Of course, because I'm lazy, the microwave and toaster oven will more than likely stay put.

Later that day, he IM'ed me saying that he felt like I wasn't too happy about what he did. I said he was right, but we needed to talk about it in person, not over IM. We still haven't.

I guess the biggest thing is not that he nagged me or that he brought in the extension cord, but that he moved my belongings. It felt like an invasion of my space, and that he was trying to control me. Like he was saying the way I live is not good enough and he knows what's better for me. I know his heart is in the right place ... it's just the way it was expressed that bothered me.


  1. Ouch. Many years ago, I came back from a trip to find that my friend and housesitter had rearranged my furniture, hung new (i.e. old, found in my closet) art on the walls. He knew it wasn't well-received when he came over a day or two later and everything was back the way I'd had it before.

    Surprises. Hm. Tricky things, those surprises.

  2. That's a tough situation. But it's very wise that you proposed to talk about it in person and that you gave yourself time to cool down from the 'surprise' before you tell him what you really think. I'm sure since his heart is in the right place if you tell him exactly how you feel (while recognizing his good intentions) he will understand. A bit part of the work involved in relationships is to learn how the other person likes to be treated and, for that matter, how to be surprised :)

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  4. Ugh -- Still waking up. Here is my new, more proofread comment:

    To me it is a simple matter: Is it Y's apartment? No? Then he needs to keep his little mitts off of your stuff. Unless you keep your toaster suspended above your bathtub, I don't really think that it is his business to move it.

    Also, the more that I think about it, it seems like you aren't the only passive aggressive person in the relationship. Forcing his opinion on how your house should be arranged isn't really a nice surprise, IMHO.

  5. I dunno, none of us is perfect and this seems like a really small thing to me. Where stuff is put? I'd say to be nice and try it out and if you don't like it or miss the counter space, move it back - no hard feelings.

  6. He's testing boundaries. He's figuring out how much impact he's allowed to make on/in your life.

    Also, maybe it just plain old bothered the shit out of him. He does spend a lot of time there. I've been in houses where the arrangement of certain stuff just struck me as incredibly ugly and/or impractical... I don't go around moving people's stuff, but I can get irritated when things are just weirdly placed.

    But there's also homeowner disease: if he's never owned a place, he has no idea what "it's like that because I'm waiting to remodel" actually MEANS.

    I think you're mainly pissed because he messed with your stuff. Just tell him you don't want your stuff messed with. Problem solved.


  7. S reguarly moves my stuff around and I find it a breath of fresh air because I'm way too lazy to do it myself. I guess we're all different eh?

    I know it's not her trying to change me because she does it all the time in her own place to her own things too. As I said, I find it refreshing rather than "same ol' same ol'" all the time...