Vibrant.(Still) Unrepentant. Badass. Old. Queer

First, I need to complain a bit about terminology. When did paper copy and electronic copy become hard copy and soft copy ? And which one is which? Paper is hard . Electronics are hard . Which one is soft ? And, why even change something that was perfectly ok? Have TPTB never heard "if it ain't broke, don't fix it?" Does not typing those extra 7 letters save time/money or something? BLEAH. It make-a no sense. *whew* I feel better. Now, if you're interested in when you will be getting your guvmint stimulus check , take a look at these fun tables . And, here's a fun little calculator to help you determine if you will be getting a check or not: Economic Stimulus Payment Calculator . I should be getting my check in the next couple of weeks, and I'm sure you are all wondering what I am going to do with mine ... (and, even if you're not, I'm going to tell you). It's all going into savings! YAY! Possibly half will go into my PaxWorld Fund ROTH I...

Yesterday was the Cheese and Carbtastic Office Luncheon. Mmm-mmm. During my afternoon break, as I was leaving to buy something for dinner at the Whole Foods, I had the following conversation with a co-worker: Co-Worker : What are you going to get? vuboq : I dunno. Maybe a sweet potato. Co-Worker : Is that it? That's all your going to eat for dinner? Vuboq : Yep. Co-Worker : I wish I could do that, but I love to eat. How do you do it? VUBOQ : I drink a lot. And, that's when it hit me! Alcohol is an appetite suppresant! (Isn't it?) So DRINK LOTS and STAY THIN! ZOMGz! I am so a forkin' GENIUS! I'm going to write a book and make MEEEEEELLLIONS! Get out of the way deceased Dr. Atkins , the VUBOQ Diet is coming soon to a bookstore near you!

Sometimes, on my walk to and from work, I see articles of clothing -a shoe, a scarf, a pair of underwear- lying on the street, sidewalk, or in the grass. I find myself wondering how it got there ... especially the large pair of men's tighty-whities in the school athletic field parking lot. I always think I should take a photo, because who would believe me if I said I saw a complete scarf, hat, and glove set draped across some bushes? Yesterday, I actually had my camera with me (and the batteries weren't dead!). Thus, I can present to you the first photo of a series in the making, Cast Away Clothes [Feel free to suggest a more clever title]: ***We interrupt this post for a very important Public Service Announcement : Please make sure you turn your stove off before you leave your house. Thank you. Have a good afternoon. We now return to your regularly scheduled blog post already in progess ...*** ... and that's how I know it will never ever work. *smooches*

VUBOQ Offers Advice to the Masses College Freshmen Ah! The beginning of the School Year. VUBOQ would like to write a post in which he waxes poetic about the joys of teaching and how to be a better teacher (or professor). However, VUBOQ experienced very little joy during his two year teaching stint in rural North Carolina, where most of his students aspired to either a) make socks in the local factory or b) make lots and lots of babies. Perhaps his most joy-filled moment was the one in which he gave the principal his Letter of Resignation . VUBOQ distinctly remembers the Heavens parting and a snow white dove descending whilst the Heavenly Host sang "Hallelujah!" Fortunately, VUBOQ has spent loads of time being a student and has learned a few useful things about studenthood. First, the advice my father gave my older brother when he went off to college: Remember: A B plus a good time is better than an A minus a good time. When my brother came home for Christmas, he said, "...

Mmmm.... You know you wanna bite. Last night, I discovered I had a message on Classmates.com. It was from my best friend from high school, the best friend who decided he didn't really want to have anything to do with me for the last semester of school. Uh. OK. I'm too cheap to pay to read the message, so I googled him. I remembered that he entered the ministry and works in my father's former conference. After that, it was pretty easy to find his church and work email address. Google. It is an amazing tool. I sent him a quick message this morning. He responded about an hour later. He's all married and with child [She's nearly 5]. Apparently, our 20th high school reunion (ACK!) is coming up next year, and he was getting all reminiscent. Now, I'm working on an update of my life. We haven't spoken in over 18 years (at least), so it's difficult trying to figure out what to tell him ... current events only? I'll probably leave the gay bit 'til later. B...

You know it's a slow day at the office when VUBOQ resorts to doing math problems . As some of you know, I used to work for the National Lead Information Center . Thus, the recent recall of some toys has piqued my interest. The question that I (and I'm sure YOU ) have been dying to know is: How many toy cars does a child need to eat to become lead poisoned? First, a few fun lead facts: Lead-based paint is defined as being 0.5% lead by weight . This converts to .... 5000 micrograms/gram (ug/g). The Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) has since decreed that no paint shall contain more that 0.06% lead by weight , or 600 ug/g . The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has set the blood-lead level of concern for children at 10 ug/dL (micrograms/deciliter). A persistent blood-lead level as low as 10 ug/dL can be associated with subtle learning and behavior problems. There can also be negative impacts on hearing and growth. Children with blood-lead levels under ...

When the outside thermometer is soaring to 8 GABILLION and 3 degrees , and the bedroom is a soothingly cool 8 GABILLION and 1 , this is how VUBOQ stays cool at night ... Read and learn, kittens : 1. Angle a fan to direct the cooled, conditioned air into the bedroom. 2. Crank fan to high. 3. Make the Y, who doesn't like fans blowing on him (*cough* freak *cough*) , sleep on the sofa. 4. Crank A/C to high. 5. Watch A/C *gasp* *sputter* and *wheeeeeeeeeeeeze* 6. Place a wet handtowel in the freezer. 7. After the towel is thoroughly frozen, place in plastic bag and put in your bed. [It's like a hot water botter , only cold .] 8. Take a VERY cold shower . 9. Don't dry off. Stand in front of *gasp*ing A/C 10. Keep a spray bottle full of cold water near your bed. If you get hot during the night, give yourself a refreshing *spritz* . 11. FOOT CRAMP! FOOT CRAMP! OW OW OW! 12. That didn't have anything to do with staying cool , but it happened last night. Not. Fun. 13. Fina...

In a recent email conversation with the SuperFantastic Cuzin, Vuboq was asked how to bring the romance back into a relationship. Ah. Such an important question. Vuboq, he *hearts* romance. He also stops to think that perhaps he is not dating the most romantic man around. Exhibit A: Vuboq's gifts from Y's month-long trip to Israel: 1) The biggest luffah Vuboq has ever seen (it's a good 2 feet long) and 2) a half-pound of granola (very good, organic, homemade granola). Vuboq needs to investigate this further. Anyway, Vuboq racked his tiny, little brain [remember, Vuboq is pretty, not thinky] and decided that a picnic would be ideal! In a park! Or in the backyard! On a cute red and white checkered blanket. With pita and hummus and olives! Lots of olives! And cheeses! And maybe baba ganouj! And dolmades! And a nice white wine! And, for dessert, watermelon and feta. Mmmm. And right at dusk, lighting some candles and watching the stars come out. *sigh* Vuboq thinks a ...

I've been looking for fun free stuff to do this Summer and here are some options for my fellow DC/Metro Area-ites [I almost typed "DC/ Metro Areans" but that sounded a bit too Third Reich for my taste]: SCREEN ON THE GREEN The annual Screen on the Green festival brings free films to the Mall on Monday nights, where they're shown on a giant 20-by-40-foot screen between Fourth and Seventh Streets. The films begin at dusk, or roughly between 8:30 and 9. Viewers often arrive as early as 5, so plan to get there well in advance. If there's inclement weather, screenings may be canceled. Call 877-262 5866. The schedule is: July 16: "Annie Hall" (1977) July 23: "The Thing (From Another World)" (1951) July 30: "Wait Until Dark" (1967) Aug. 6: "All the King's Men" (1949) Aug. 13: "Casablanca" (1942) VUBOQ is all about The Thing (From Another World) and CASABLANCA BITCHES!!! Busy on Monday evenings? How are your Thursdays...

One thing I hate about attending the Capitol Pride Street Festival is running the HRC gauntlet . Every five steps one is accosted by a perky little volunteer saying, "Hi, do you have a few moments to talk about HRC ?" Erm. No. And I also don't have a few dollars to give to HRC either. Their cute little faces get these sad little crushed expressions, and it makes me feel a teeny-tiny twinge of guilt. I don't really like explaining that 1) I don't give to political organizations, 2) HRC's administrative and fundraising (AFR) expenses seem a little high, and 3) HRC hasn't impressed me with their overall effectiveness. According to Charity Navigator (which is a very cool site, until it stopped working for me), HRC's AFR is 35.4%. The Combined Federal Campaign website states that "an AFR in excess of 35% is considered high by many in the philanthropic community." I prefer to give my money to smaller, more locally-focused organizations. I have do...

When I was at my brother’s house for Christmas (and I may have blogged about this before but recent events have brought this story back to mind), he mentioned that his girlfriend’s son had brought home a letter from school: The front side of the letter was in English, but the reverse was in *gasp* SPANISH! My brother went on and on about how this is an English-speaking country this and how immigrants should learn English that. Finally, I had had enough and I asked him, “If you were a parent in a foreign country, wouldn’t you appreciate learning about your child’s education in your native language?” He made some lame excuse about people needing to learn English. I told him maybe they are studying English, but it takes time to become fluent. Seriously, did he think people are born fluent in every language? When I moved to Japan, I knew about 3 words of Japanese. As soon as I got there, I began to study very hard. Japanese is not an easy language to learn. Even after three years and being...

for a very important announcement: Would the person from Norton Heath, Essex who stumbled across my blog using this search string , please visit your doctor or a health clinic*? VUBOQ says: Don't try this at home! *unless you're simply doing research for a homework assignment, but still ...

If you are leaving me a voicemail message and you notice that you are becoming so long-winded and rambling that you even say " I'm sorry. I'm really tired and I'm being long-winded and rambling ," YET you continue to babble for another 5 minutes, this is what you need to do : Stop. Channel Miranda Priestly. Say, "That is all." Hang up. Thank you. That is all.