Vibrant.(Still) Unrepentant. Badass. Old. Queer

I came home. Y came over. I had a good cry. Things seem better today. Plus, Dad apparently made it through surgery ok. He was actually scheduled to have the back surgery this coming week, but the pain was so bad even the super-extra-strong pain pills (so strong the doctor couldn't call in the prescription. Mom had to pick them up at the hospital. And she refuses to share) were not working. The doctor decided to go ahead and operate ahead of schedule. I'm supposed to get a call today for an update ... So, that's that... And now for the continuing weekend saga of ... The Birth of VUBOQ as Re-Enacted by Gay Bears (and a Virus or Two) Previously, you met the Cast of Characters . Now, the story begins ... It was a sunny Saturday afternoon not too many years ago. At Dupont Circle, a snake lay waiting in the grass*. An unsuspecting VUBOQ got closer ... And closer ... To be continued ... *Well, in this case it was Syphillis in the Parsley , but whatever.

I didn't get the job. My dad is having emergency back surgery in about 2 hours. All I want to do is go home and crawl into bed, but I have to stay at work 'til 5. Trying not to cry in the office is making my head hurt.

Back in those heady days of diary-x, I posted a poem I wrote. I can't remember it exactly, and I spent a good part of this morning looking for another copy. Alas, it seems to have been disappeared. Perhaps, that is for the best. The gist of the poem was that throughout my life I've felt the need to start anew, to shed my skin and move on - meeting new people, trying new things, new places. As I reflected on the events of this year thus far, I'm beginning to feel like, not the shiny, new person, but the cast-off skin. It's an interesting sensation, one that I'm not accustomed to feeling. I spent a good portion of last night trying to figure out how to remedy it. I'm still drawing a blank. But, I now know that booze isn't the answer ;-) [I kid, I only had one drink last night.] I am wondering though if standing in the middle of Sligo Creek Park and sounding my barbaric yawp would help. [Cue Ethan Hawke] Anyway, in more interesting (?) -or at least, (sli...

So, kittens, it has come to this. Life is an odd balance and my juggling skills aren't what they used to be. And, sometimes, like ... now, I want to throw all those stupid balls in the air and walk away. But I think I'm too lazy to do that. Or too comfortable with inertia. Or something. I suppose I'll eventually figure out what to do. And, then, maybe I'll stop being so damn cryptic. Or not. Whatever. On with the weekend ... Friday was a halfday for me. I had an appointment with RCN to come install (hookup?) my new internet connection! The technician was scheduled to arrive sometime between 2 and 5PM. I waited and waited and waited and waited. And waited some more. Until at 5:30, I looked up RCN's phone number and called. Me: Hi. I've been waiting all afternoon for the RCN technician to arrive. Jerry, the Helpful RCN Sales Rep: Let me check our system. [pause] JtHRSR: Yes. We have that he was there between 2 and 5. Me: Um. If he came by, why am I calling you? Jt...

I have been misty-eyed and mopey all day. I'm beginning to wonder if it's just about learning of Oscar's death. Hidden away, I held this hope that John and I would eventually be on friendly terms. When that happened, we would get together every few weeks chatting about life and eating take-out Chinese, and I could visit with Oscar. Now, there isn't anything that ties me to John other than memories. All I have left is this aching empty feeling. Hope is the thing with feathers ... I really need to stop reopening old wounds.

Yesterday, I agreed to participate in GayProf's little 5 Questions meme . I think this type of meme is particularly interesting not because my answers are so fascinating, but rather I like to see what people want to ask. I'm still working on my answers. GayProf asks hard questions, but I hope to post them at some point this weekend. While working on one of his questions, I began to realize how my life has not turned out exactly how I had planned. Not that my life is bad (at least it's not horrible or anything), but my dreams have definitely taken a detour ... and it's usually been for financial reasons. I suppose it's about time to re-evaluate what exactly I want out of life ... where I want to be ... who I want to be ... Self-reflection tends to get me down. So in a typical avoidance reaction response, I stopped thinking/writing, opened up a bottle of wine [2005 Rojo Mojo Shiraz, a WaPo "Big Bottle that Won't Break Your Budget"], popped in a mov...

One of my favorite Japanese pop songs is sung by Saito Kazuyoshi. I heard him sing it live in concert once. It nearly made me cry. His voice reminds me of Rufus Wainwright, only not nearly as whiney. You can listen to a sample of Enshou ni Nokoru Kisetsu on his website. Click here . Then, click on the 7th song down. [If that doesn't work, try clicking here . Then, click on his 5th album. Then, click on the 7th song.] Inshou ni nokoru kisetsu ha, Naze ga itsumo fuyu. Which is badly translated (by me) to mean "Even though the seasons change, why is it always Winter?" Which is kinda how I am feeling today. After finishing up my taxes last night, watching a movie, and knitting for awhile, I started reading some of my blog archives just to see what I was doing one year ago. Apparently, I was having a lot of sex with John. And reading about the fun times we had (and also some of my frustrations) made me a little sad. So, I went to bed. Where I dreamed of Kimura Takuya . *yum*