Vibrant.(Still) Unrepentant. Badass. Old. Queer

Good Morning, Kittens. At some point over the weekend, BOSSY and I had a brief conversation about blogging (Imagine). I don't have the readership of most of the power blogs out there. But, as BOSSY said, "Your readers are loyal." And, it's true. I have this fun little community out there, who are very important to me. Back in the day, when I was getting about 10 hits a day, I was no-holds-barred honest. Now that I get a few more hits than that, I have noticed that I have started to be more secretive. And what's the point of keeping a personal journal if you don't record everything? Which brings us up to the whole point of this post (almost) ... a few months ago, Y and I resumed a sexual relationship. I haven't really blogged about it (although I think I've hinted?) ... mostly because I feel like I'm disappointing readers. I'm certainly OK with the sex. Otherwise, I wouldn't be having it with him. It's not like I plan to re-enter...

Even the sky this morning was celebrating our Canadian friend's Special Day . And, I'm sure he would have something deeply profound and poetic to say about it. All I could muster was, "Oooh. Pretty." I'm sure those of you who weren't fortunate enough to be walking to the metro station at 7AM this morning are now seething with jealousy. Seethe away, kittens, because, normally, I, too, would have missed such splendor, but, yesterday, was my After Pottery Slumber Party with Y. So, I had to be up before dawn to get to work on time. Last night, we cooked dinner - pasta and salad. I made a fairly decent sauce. Y threw together a salad, the making of which seemed a lot more complicated than it should have been. After dinner, I showered off the remaining bits of clay and went to bed. He joined me around 2. There was no sex. It's nice sleeping next to his warm body with his arm draped over me. But, enough about that. How 'bout a picture of the pottery I made l...

First, a few bits of bloggery business: - Steph , here's a link to the sort-of chili recipe i use. - Clio Bluestocking , I have a sneaking suspicion that you live in the area. If you're interested in coming to the 6th Annual BYOP Pumpkin Carving Party , send me an email ( environy[at]gmail[dot]com ) and I'll send you the evite. Now, on with the show ... I did laundry last night. Lots and lots of laundry. Prior to my parents' visit, I was looking for a sheet. I bought it in Japan to cover a crappy sofa I had in my tiny little apartment. The sheet was made in India (I think), it was red and blue and geometric design fun. Sometimes, in the summer, I would use it as a bedspread. The last time I used it was as a groundcover at Diagonally Upstairs' Neighbor's summer barbeque. I know I washed it after that use. I wonder if I left it in the community drying room and someone took it? Or did I give it away? I have no idea. I've searched my house and can't find it...

Last night, I pulled a handle (like in the photo, just not as well). I trimmed the bottom of my pitcher. I attached the handle. Then, I made ... another pitcher. Seriously, I must have this totally one track mind. How many pitchers does one need? [Don't answer that, kittens.] In the class, there is one girl who I find to be the most annoying person I have met recently. I'm guessing she's a Freshman, because she still has that put-on perky bubbliness that some insecure people use in order to be perceived as outgoing. Last night, the cylinder she was making collapsed. She folded it in upon itself to make some sort of folded-in-blobby thing. "Will this explode in the kiln," she asked the instructor. "No, it should be fine." "Good. Because I kind of like it." And that's when she passed by my wheel and I saw what she had made. "Or at least my mother will," she added quickly when she saw the horrified look on my face. I thought to myse...

And, like, O-Mah-Gawd, I came into work and have had to work! What is up with that? See, what's happening is this: Part of the enforcement and responsibility of the Act on which I work is being transferred from one part of EPA (OPPTS) to a different part of EPA (OSWER). Supposedly, this is to consolidate responsibilities. Apparently, "consolidation" means "creation of nearly twice as many technical contacts." I've been updating our referral lists all morning. *woot* Fun. Times. I've also been polishing my resume [insert little doohickies over the appropriate vowels] and cover letter ... which reminds me of what I was actually going to blog about today: I invited Y over to watch a DVD last night. "What movie," he asked. It's a French film, called "The Page Turner." "What time," he inquired. I don't know. How about 8? "Ok," he said. He arrived at 10 after ... NINE . *sheesh* I asked if he would mind look...

I made a pitcher. It's quite lovely, if I do say so myself. I forgot to take a picture of my pitcher, but it still has to survive trimming, handle attaching, firing, glazing, and firing again. I'm trying not to become too attached. Before anyone makes any sort of jokes about me making a pitcher because I need a new one, please know that I was making all those jokes in my head during class. In fact, for some reason, I kept getting the Pervy Monkey Giggles ... especially when the supercute (but very young) straight Jewish boy kept talking about tapping the bottom ... of his bowl. This pottery making thing is a lot more difficult than I remembered. It is taking a lot more concentration than I thought. I did notice that if one semi-yells "fuck!" while making a cylinder, the instructor almost immediately rushes over to help. Quite handy that. VUBOQ needs to watch his language in his class filled with babies . Or college sophomores. Same difference. After class, ...

Saturday afternoon, I was chatting with Y. I wanted to know when he would be returning my spare keys. He happened to be available that night, and I'm sure you can see where this is going. He arrived around 9:30. We started drinking my very good bourbon. We watched a DVD [ Lady in the Water ]. And, yeah, well, somehow we ended up having teh buttsecks. Gee. Wonder how that happened? This morning, I made coffee. We blobbed around the house. And, um, ended up having more of teh buttsecks in the shower. Gee. Wonder how that happened? Oddly enough, I'm not overly concerned about it [I think the pre-game peptalk IM with Sin the Pornographer helped]. Maybe I've been able to separate sex and love? Maybe I'm emotionally detached? Or maybe I'm still emotionally attached and this was some weird last chance thingy? It's so strange. I don't feel sad about the break-up. I mean, Thursday night (all night) I felt awful. Friday, I felt sad. Saturday, I started to feel better...

I officially ended it last night. He IM'ed me around 8 saying he was leaving school and to call if I needed to talk. I didn't need to talk, but I called anyway. The conversation was strange and awkward, full of pauses and half-started sentences. He asked what I was thinking, so I said, "I'm thinking we should go our separate ways." There was a long pause. "I thought maybe we could work things out. Maybe I wasn't clear last night ..." "I understood what you were trying to say. I'm never going to want a non-monogamous relationship. And I can't make you, and you can't force yourself, to love me. What is there to work out?" There was another long pause. "Maybe ..." "Why don't you take some time to think about it? If you come up with a solution, I listen to it," I said. He's supposed to come over today to return my house keys. And that will be it, I guess. We have plans to meet friends on Sunday a...

Y looked like he was going to say something. We had been talking about my vacation plans and what we were going to do this weekend. "I haven't fully formed the thoughts yet," he said, "but we've been going out for, what, four months now?" And it's time to reassess. And we did. Or he did. I'm familiar with the process. First, they say all the good things. I've been supportive during a difficult time. He really appreciates that. I felt my entire body start to shrivel, constrict, tighten. Then, once again I got to hear all the things that are wrong with me. I don't want kids (which is an oversimplification, really). I expect sexual exclusivity. I don't plan. I'm not career-oriented. I don't have goals. Is this really the impression I give to people? I guess it is ... "You can tell me what you think is wrong with me?" "No." "Well, I guess you think I'm perfect," he said with a laugh. ...

Scene: In the Shower on Sunday Morning Y: I think you should know that having children is very important to me. Me: ... Then, we had sex.

Happy Sunday, kittens. Work may be a bit hectic tomorrow, so not sure how much blogging I'll be able to do ... so here's what I did this weekend... Friday, I was supposed to leave immediately after work to go to a birthday happy hour. However, my fun, new glasses were hurting my ears. They (my glasses, not my ears) need to be adjusted (again. gah). So, I went home to put on my more comfortable glasses. Of course, I had to change clothes because the comfortable glasses didn't match the outfit. Why is my life so complicated? On my way to the happy hour, I left my umbrella on the metro. GAH. I arrived about 45 minutes late and slightly damp. Because of my dinner plans, I could only stay there for about 20 minutes. I didn't even get to order a drink. I met Jerry and Y at Straits of Malaya at 7:30ish. The food was great (as usual). The service sucked (as usual). [Note to the Waiters at Straits: When a customer raises his hand to get your attention, he is not waving at you t...

1. Arriving over an hour late for a dinner party in which you volunteered to bring the appetizers is not cool and does not endear me to you. 2. Low Blood Sugar VUBOQ = Cranky VUBOQ 3. New Rosh Hashanah food tradition: Apples soaked in honey ... and VODKA! For four days! Then frozen! YUM! [Credit the Supercute Y for this one. Although, VUBOQ would like to think that his summer-long vodka infusion experiments were somewhat of an inspiration.] 4. Sometimes very smart people say very stupid things. 5. If the Supercute Y thinks that Cranky Low Blood Sugar Annoyed at Smart People Saying Stupid Things VUBOQ did not have a good time at a dinner party [even if VUBOQ *did* have a good time ... once his blood sugar level returned to normal], there will be amazingly hot secks when they return home. *smooches* PS. OMG. I'm only on Chapter 12 of the Training Manual. AUGH! Need. Motivation.

Somewhere the shofar has been blown. And a time to celebrate beginnings continues. I took a few moments at the beginning of today to watch the dark slowly shift to light, filtering into my room and across Y's face. As his features became more recognizable, it dawned on me ... (ha! pun!) ... I'm in love. (*ack*) And my heart felt all warm and gooey in my chest. His eyelids fluttered with the beginnings of wakefulness, so I moved my mouth to his ear to whisper the words that were on my mind ... "Did you bring my spare keys with you?" He nodded. "Good." So, it is with VUBOQ ... sometimes, the feelings stay in place. To make themselves at home before they feel ready to be shared.

Yeah, so I did laundry last night. I switched laundry nights with my wonderful Diagonally Upstairs Neighbors, because, tonight, my regular laundry night, I am going with Y to his friends' home for a Rosh Hashanna (Hashanah? Hashannah?) dinner party. FUN. Par-Tay with da Jewz! We're supposed to bring a meaningful poem/passage/quote to discuss. I'll have to find something. Maybe a nice biblical passage from the New Testament. I can convert them all to the ways of Christianity! Wouldn't that be a HOOT? Ha. Seriously, I have no idea what I'm going to do. Emily Dickinson? Hope is the thing with feathers ? Too cliche? Shel Silverstein? I'll find something eventually ... As my food contribution, I am making Aztec Couscous Salad from Lorna Sass' Short-Cut Vegetarian . Actually, I'm making something similar to Aztec Couscous Salad , because I can't follow a recipe. It's basically couscous, corn , black beans , red onion , cumin , cilantro , olive oil, g...

--Genesis 2:7 (NIV) [as if you didn't know] I left work a little early so I wouldn't be late for my pottery class at the University of Maryland. I arrived just on time. I would have been early, except I spent a good 15 minutes wandering through the basement bowels of the STAMP Student Union searching for the classroom. There are 7 of us in the class. Excluding myself and the instructor, I believe the average age would be ... erm ... 12. Ha! I kid. It is actually about 18. It's me and a bunch of BABIES! Oh, my GAWD, I felt so old listening to them babble. I figure, though, once we start on the wheel, I will enter my zone and the babbling will be like the waters of a cold mountain stream. Anyway, yesterday, all we did was wedging (y'know, smooshing the clay to get all the air bubbles out). The instructor taught the "ram's head" method ... which is not the one I know. I was reminded that, since I learned pottery in Japan (and in Japanese), I do not have the ...

My fun-filled and exciting weekend began on Friday night, which I spent at home, alone, drinking and proof-reading Y's paper. Fun times. *woot* [I also had nice chat with a few friends, so that -and the booze- made it bearable.] Saturday, I had a nice lie-in, made coffee, ate brownies, and the headed over to Y's. We drove to Costco to buy supplies for his party. And, as God as My Witness, I will never go to Costco again! GAH! So. Many. People. Who were completely clueless and unaware and should not have been allowed behind those GIGANTIC shopping carts. ACK. I was totally stressed out by the time we left. We drove to Shoppers to get a few things he didn't need in bulk . And, it was at Shoppers where we learned something important about our relationship: VUBOQ gets all stressed out in crowds of STUPID PEOPLE (and, thus, needs someone to help him remain calm and to remind him he is getting uber cranky ). Y, on the other hand, gets all stressed out by computers, like Shoppers...

Can someone explain how one can get up about 45 minutes early and, yet, almost be late for work? Hm? I was up at 6AM this morning to go running. I took a picture on my cell phone, but decided against posting it. VUBOQ at 6AM is not pretty . And VUBOQ does not want to break the innarnexts. That would be bad. Luckily, one of my neighbors was also going running at that time, so, if no one believes that I was actually up that early, I can get a signed sworn affidavit from her. So there. HA! I ran/walked for about 30 minutes or so, came home, checked email, took a shower, had coffee and a scone, then ... um ... crawled back into bed for a cuddle with Y. Ah. *cuddles* It's amazing what getting a good night's sleep will do, because, when I got up again (at 7:30) to get dressed for work, someone was feeling a leeeeeeeeeeeeeetle frisky . Which probably explains why I was running late for work. But I think a good morning fork [and it was good ;-)] is well worth the bus fare and ...

Morning, Rays of Sunshine! Everyone so happy to be back at work? *woot* I know I am!! *cough* *gag* *keels over* I blogged over the weekend ... so not much to add. I may think of some stuff later. Y's deadline is today. He's meeting with his advisor this afternoon. Cross your fingers that it goes well. And cross your fingers that VUBOQ will finally get some red hot luvin' . I can only be so patient. I think I'm going to go buy some new running shoes today. As you know, one of my Goals for September is to start running again. *geh* One goal has already been met! *woot* I planted 5 chrysanthemums over the weekend, three golden/bronze and 2 maroon. Only later did I realize that there's a little Gryffindor theme going on [Or Elon . Go Phighting Phoenixes!] ... I should take a photo. Maybe once they are all in full bloom. The Chili Pepper Plant Graveyard will soon look bright and cheery. If you've read the His Dark Materials trilogy, you'll know all about daem...

Or, at least, by me ... The party is over. In attendance were Cute Gay Brother of Diagonally Upstairs Neighbor, Tomokito and her husband, Across the Way Neighbor, Across from Diagonally Upstairs Neighbor Neighbor, and Friend of Across from Diagonally Upstairs Neighbor Neighbor. I really need to come up with better nicknames for people. Tom Collins was the most popular guest! There was loads of food - spicy salsa, cucumber and feta salsa, chips, olives, hummus and pita., and cheeses! Three kinds! Blue! Havarti with Dill! Gouda with Basil! I *heart* cheese. Tomoko brought cupcakes and brownies. And, Across the Way Neighbor brought apricot scones. And Across from Diagonally Upstairs Neighbor Neighbor brought some sort of yummy pastry thingy. Mmmm. Everyone left around 8ish, I think. I cleaned up and called Y. He was too busy to come to the party. He may be coming over later, depending on how tired he is. It would be nice if he could. If not, I guess I'll see him tomorrow. I haven'...

I woke up a little cranky this morning. Actually, that's not true. I felt fine when I woke up, but, since leaving Y's home, the crankiness has grown and spread, filling every nook and cranny of my being. The overly cheery co-workers are really grating on my nerves right now. I'm not sure why I'm cranky. Actually, that's not true either. I know exactly why I'm cranky. For one, I don't sleep well at Y's. He is a night-owl, studying until 2:30 or 3 every morning. I don't really fall into a restful sleep until he joins me in bed. I have to get up at 6 to make it to work on time. He gets to sleep for another 3.5 to 4 hours. Two, work has been a total pain lately. Summer is supposed to be relaxing, but, with everyone taking off (and some not coming back when they are scheduled), those of us who remain have to pick up the slack. I really need a vacation. My mini-vakay to Atlanta this weekend should be fun. And, I am looking forward to my week ...