Monday, August 14, 2006

Relationship Babies

Yesterday, as Mike was driving me home, we talked about how long we had been "hanging out." Mike said 3 months. However, using August 25th as my point of reference (that date being exactly 3 months from the last time the Cheating Cheater and I had unprotected sex), I announced, "No. Our Relationship Baby is only 2.5 months."

Mike looked a little confused.

I had to explain that at the 9-month mark of dating the Cheating Cheater I told him, "Congratulations. We've had a Relationship Baby."

On the first date, Relationship Sperm searches for the Relationship Egg. Sometimes, fertilization doesn't occur and there are no more dates. However, if, on the off chance, Relationship Sperm meets Relationship Egg, the miracle of Relationship Life continues ...

During the first trimester, Relationship Miscarriages are more likely to occur. Of course, a Relationship Abortion is also a possibility (if the couple doesn't quite feel ready for the responsibility). Most professionals in the Relationship Community frown on late-term Relationship Abortions and Partial-Birth Relationship Abortions; however, sometimes these must be done to protect the health [and sanity] of the individuals involved.

After a healthy Relationship Baby is born, there is the risk of Sudden Relationship Death Syndrome (SRDS). Proud Parents should always make sure their Relationship is sleeping on its back [with its heels in the air] [OK, maybe not].

And that's what happens when VUBOQ gets carried away by a metaphor.


  1. Oh. My. God.

    'nuff said.

  2. hmm. i like this metaphor. it's certainly a lot of work to raise a relatinship baby. i've had a lot of miscarriages. and my eggs are too old now!

  3. LOL! And you think you're the pretty one.