Monday, August 28, 2006

Geriatrics

About one week before I closed on my home and moved, my PCP (primary care physician) stopped accepting my insurance. I had very good intentions to find a new one; however, with the moving, the boxes, and the rapid last minute packing, I lost all my insurance information.

And, then, well, I forgot about it.

Until last week or so. I went online, registered to use the NEW and EASY (*cough*) insurance homepage. However, when I tried to pick a new PCP, the system wouldn't let me. Curse the System! Curse the System!

I meant to call later, but ... well ... I forgot. I don't get doctor-visit-worthy sick very often, so it didn't cross my mind again.

Until today. So, I went online, located about 5 doctors who were in easy walking distance of my office and/or home, and called the insurance company.

It was relatively painless. Except for the screaming my social security number into telephone part. When I said it at a level that my entire office couldn't hear, the little telephone recordingman would say "I'm sorry, but I didn't understand that. Please say your social security number again."

Eventually I did get to speak with a "real person," who explained I couldn't do anything online because they had my old address. Some mail had been returned [stupid post office and they're lack of forwarding my mail. hate them], so they put a "hold" on my account until I called to give them my new address. *geh*

Once that was sorted, I randomly picked some doctor off the list and all was well.

UNTIL, I googled the doctor. I suppose my criteria for choosing a doctor should be more selective than male, walking distance, and able to speak Farsi. It would appear that this doctor's interests are 1) endocrinology and 2) geriatrics.

At first, I thought, "hm. inappropriate." Then, I realized, in gay years*, I am geriatric! My new doctor should be a perfect match.

*VUBOQ's How to Calculate Your Age in Gay Years

If you are younger than 18, AVERT YOUR EYES! WHAT ARE YOU DOING READING THIS BLOG?

If you are between 18 and 30, use your actual age +/- 5.

If you are >30, use the following formula:

[(Your Age) - 30] X 5 + 30 = Your Gay Age

Example: I am 36 years old. Using the formula, I am 60 in Gay Years.

I might as well be dead.

6 comments:

  1. then you are 30.

    milliseconds away from geriatricity.

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  2. but i'm older than 30. i'm 30 and 3 months. which means i have to use your formula. and it comes out, 31.25yo. but when i was exactly 30, a few months back, i'd have been 30 +/- 5. which could have made me older than what i am now. or much younger. but, i was carded at a movie theater... hmm...

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  3. Do you really want to be the person that you were at 21? Or 25?

    I am content with my age (32) and don't care about the young queers who think I am already an old crone.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I am not gay so thankfully I don't have to apply your painful formula. I mean, holy cow!

    ReplyDelete
  5. life only begins at 60! embrace it!

    ReplyDelete