Friday, August 04, 2006

I Leave You With a Slightly Disgusting Story to Read Over and Over Again All Weekend

A few minutes ago, I left my humble cubicle to partake of my office facilities.

As I was standing over the toilet doing my bidness, something splashed into the bowl. I looked, and at first thought it was a dime. But it wasn't. It was the button to my jeans [stupid cheapo A&F button-fly jeans!].

I was faced with a dilemma:

Flush or Retrieve.

If I flushed, I would have to go buttonless for the rest of the day.
If I retrieved, I would have to stick my hand into a urine-filled toilet bowl.

What to do? What to do?
What would you do? What would you do?
What did I do? What did I do? [Is there an echo in here?]

Well, I stood there for a moment.
Debated.
Debated the pros.
Debated the cons.

Took a deep breath.

And retrieved.

GAH! I STUCK MY HAND IN A URINE-FILLED TOILET BOWL TO FISH OUT THE BUTTON TO MY JEANS!! GAH!!!!!

I, then, waddled over to the sink and scrubbed my hands with lots of soap under steaming hot water for AGES!

I feel dirty.

Have a good weekend! *smooch*

11 comments:

  1. *laughs* Oh come on, urine for the most part is pretty clean. It's the other stuff you've got to be worried about, with all the gram-negative bacteria and such.

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  2. I think you're safe... didn't you see the Fox news report that your cell phone is actually dirtier than a public toilet?!? Yummy!! :) Hope you have a good weekend! Oh I'll be heading your way sometime Saturday to hit up Ikea if you are interested (I have to return what I bought the last time)!

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  3. yikes, I would have flushed it, especially in the cesspool called a bathroom we have here at work.

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  4. so long as the bowl had only urine in it and you don't have a bladder or kidney infection, then you're safe. had there been...umm...anything else in the bowl, well...

    oh, if you sing the happy birthday song all the way through while you're washing your hands (that is while your hands are all soapy) and then rinse, you will have washed long enough to kill any nasty bacteria on your hands. i learned that from a health inspector.

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  5. were you also wearing brown underwear? or was it the old navy ones?

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  6. LOL

    Yeah, you have all reasons to feel dirty! Ewww... I'd have flushed it for sure.

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  7. I'm proud of you. I dropped my phone in the pisser once. I had to pick it out and blow-dry it.

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  8. This is uncanny! I was just about to comment, I went to check some cooking rice, and I come back to find dillon (above) has made an almost identical comment!

    I'll go ahead anyway though: A colleauge and I were away at a conference about a year ago. We were expecting a really important call from the office while we were away so we made a point of both of us taking our mobiles out with us incase one of our batteries died or something.

    At the very first bar I happened to be going for a pee when my phone rang. As the toilets were empty apart from me I decided to try and pee to at an angle against the urinal (to avoid that horrible splashy sound) and take the call.

    As I was fumbling to answer the door behind me creaked open and I decided to try and quickly face front again and put my phone into silence mode. All at the same time.

    I dropped the phone into the urinal. I then made the situation worse by pulling my jacket out to the sides a bit so that the new fella couldn't see that I was busy pissing on a mobile phone.

    I'd already stopped pissing of course, the panic and shock of what had just happened caused a pause in my urinary system. I was then stuck in the really difficult situation of standing in front of a urinal, quite blatantly not pissing, while another bloke stood to one side peeing away and wondering what the hell I was doing.

    Luckily the phone only had a bit of wee on it and once he'd left I cleared it all up with tissue paper as best I could.

    It still would work though, I guessed it would be ok once it dried out completely. And as soon as I got home I'd smash it properly and get it replaced on insurance.

    I told my colleague what had happened. He nearly wet himself laughing. He decided he needed to go to the loo too. I told him to be careful about dropping his phone as we needed to get the call and mine was now dead.

    He went and 10 mins later he was back looking very somber. "What's up mate?" I enquired. "Well, I needed a poo. And as I pulled my trousers up, the phone in my back pocket....." he mumbled.

    I knew this guy to have a sense of humour so I just ignored him. Half an hour later we heard someone coming out of the toilets complaining that they were flooding.

    "Well, at least that didn't happen while I was in there!" I joked to him. "Nah, I'd not tried to flush my phone away then...." he responded. It was then that I realised he was serious. He'd had a shit, dropped his phone in the can and tried to flush it away because he couldn't bear the thought of getting it out.

    Oh, the poeple I used to work with, how I miss them...!

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  9. Oh man, I would have flushed :)

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  10. You know, I always fear that I am going to lose something in the public toliet. I wouldn't mind fishing something out of my own urine, but the residue of other folk? No way -- it's too much.

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  11. You're brave and fierce. Plus, you needed the button. Good job!

    tb100's comment CRACKED ME UP.

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