Wednesday, April 16, 2008

The Horrors of Retirement

in which I not only steal Mush's use of "in which," but I also discover that I am going to die miserable, alone, and starving ...

I received a fun email this morning from my 401(k) plan. They have a new Retirement Checkup!, which will help me to insure that I'm saving enough money to survive after I retire (which, apparently, is going to be at Age NEVER).

Considering that I put 5% of my salary into my 401(k), combined with the generous *cough* 25% match by my company, AND that I plan to put $200/year (at least) into my fabulous PaxWorld ROTH IRA (which has shown consecutive losses ever since I started throwing my money into that investment sinkhole*), this is what the wonderful Retirement Checkup! predicts:

On a brighter note, scroll down to see the WINNARZ of last night's 10% Refund Challenge and Poor Bastages Who Owe the Tax Man Pity Party drawings!

More later. *smooches*

*I'm kidding, btw. Not about the losses, but about the investment sinkhole. I have faith that it will turn around in the long run. It's all about the long run with IRAs, right? RIGHT?!?!?


  1. Like you, I have no grand illusions about retiring. I fully expect to die at the office.

  2. don't forget there's always plan b: shack up with a rich sugar daddy... ;)

  3. aunt sassy: mmmm. sugar daddy! TASTY!

  4. i totally plan on marrying a rich sugar daddy. i mean, seriously, how perfect is that!?

    and yeah, i still want to know what felching is, especially since you told me i don't want to know!

  5. I sure as hell hope it turns around. After all, I'm a year closer to age NEVER than you are.

    And you still need to add me on your Facebook so we can Scrabulate.

  6. And how in the hell did felching come into this?

    No, Biddy, you really don't want to know. Srsly. I kinda sorta wish I didn't. Except I'm fatally curious that way.

  7. mel: felching is a reference from a post on Biddy's blog.

    AND, how do I find you on Facebook? I don't think I have your email address to search for you.

  8. Considering your "on average" market performing retirement income is more than what I make now, I fail to see how you would starve.

    I'm clinging to the long-run theory with my investments as well.

  9. Sweetie, you have my name, which is searchable, and I am the only one with that name. I guarantee it.

    And regardless of which blog it showed up on, Biddy still doesn't want to know. She could google it, though, if she srsly wants teh gross out.

  10. And how in the hell did felching come into this?!

    It could be worse: you could be me. I have no retirement income as of now.

  11. Hey, you can live on $1500/mo here in Columbia! The San Francisco of the Midwest, dontchaknow? *grinz*

  12. What is the "retirement" of which you speak?