Thursday, September 20, 2007

Forkity Forkity Fork Fork

Last night, as I re-entered my apartment carrying my laundry basket, Psychokitty Isabella caught a case of the crazies and went dashing all over the apartment and crashed full-speed into the table beside my sofa ... which knocked a nearly full glass of red wine all over my beautiful sofa!


I grab some towels and sopped up what I could.

Then, because when I dropped the $1200 on this sofa I had the foresight to pay for a "stain protection plan," I called the Stain Protection Plan people to ask what to do. The woman on the phone took my information, emailed me a claims form, and started to hang up.

"But, wait," said I. "What should I do to clean up the spill?"
"We're not allowed to give stain removal advice over the phone."

Da'what? Do'huh?

I thought that's what they did.
I checked their website and to clean a red wine spill it suggested using a 30:1 solution of distilled water and non-bleach detergent. However, the fabric code on my sofa is "S," which means don't use water-based solvents.

Da'what? Do'huh?

As I'm filling out the claim form ... How did the spill occur? Cat went crazy. Knocked over glass of red wine ... I start reading the fine print.

I will be called within 10 days of the company receiving my claim.
Then, they will give me advice on how to remove the stain.
If that doesn't work, they will send some sort of Stain Removal Technician to my home.
If that doesn't work, and here's where it starts to get fun, they will replace the sofa ... but only from the store where I bought it.

The store where I bought it no longer exists.

So what do they do in that case?

They provide a FULL REFUND...

... of the cost of the Stain Protection Plan. (Which was something like $72.)

Woo hoo! Thanks so much for your kind generosity.

This stain had better forkin' come out.
I need a drink.
And to switch to white wine.


  1. They can't give stain removal info over the phone because that kind of information might be dangerous in the wrong hands because everyone knows that only certified stain removal professionals can diffuse a stain! In the meantime ... wait ten days for the stain to set in... Arggh, what a money grab!

  2. I had a couch with "stain protection" and had a guest spill a bit of red wine on it. It never came out fully.

    Sorry about that.

  3. i was the "guest" who spilled red wine on my friend's carpet. i ran and got salt. if you add salt immediately it soaks up the wine. it worked with a sofa that i had. but then someone else added baking powder to the carpet. the stain apparently disappeared the next day. so i'm not sure whether it was the salt or baking soda or both. but i have a suspecion that either one of them only works when you apply them immediatly. those stain protection people let you leave your stain longer than they should. maybe you should complain about them to the consumer protection people.. and send the cat to some therapy sessions.

  4. Aren't you supposed to use white wine to get red wine out? Or is that a big myth?

    That possibly could be the worst stain removal team ever... why on earth would they advocate leaving the stain to set in for a week before trying to remove it? Very strange...

    Good luck anyway!

  5. Vuboq, one way to think about it: your sofa survived an oil spill but was felled by a "cat"-egory 5 redwinehurricane.

    I think the technician will be able to get it out!

    If not, is the stain in a place that can be covered artfully w/a pillow or throw?

  6. Oxyclean got dried blood out of a mattress. I'd try that (on a hidden piece of the sofa first).