Wednesday, May 10, 2006

A New VUBOQian Game!

Have I mentioned that I hate my job recently?

No?

The company has switched our performance reviews from end of December to mid-June. The upside is that I'll (hopefully) be getting another "merit increase" in July (YAY!). The downside is that we have been given these stupid Self-Evaluation forms to complete with no guidance other than "it should only take 10 minutes."

Ha.

It will take me more than 10 minutes to finish bitching about these stupid forms.

We have to come up with two career goals to accomplish during the year and how we plan to accomplish them ... we have to explain how we "enhanced teamwork" [well, I didn't shoot any of the idiots at Corporate HQ] ... we have to list our major achievements for the past evaluation period [ditto to the shooting] ... and more! GAH!

I hate stupid corpbabble.

I need some really good stockphrases with which to pepper my evaluation. And, thus, begins a new comment game on VUBOQ:

Using your best corpspeak, create a phrase (or several) that I can use on my self-evaluation. Leave it in my comments below. If I use your phrase on my actual evaluation, you'll get a prize! Oooh! A Prize!

So comment now. Comment often.

Here's one of my own to get you started:

I successfully increased information throughput by integrating internet resources with existing training materials.

[It's not great, but it gives you an idea ...]

Have fun :-)

5 comments:

  1. yikes! corpbabble... hmm... not my strong suit.

    I've successfully managed ignoring the rabblerousers of this great establishment and avoided needless bickering.

    ReplyDelete
  2. - spearhead an initiative
    - reinvent the wheel
    - facetime with peers and superiors
    - think outside the box
    - facilitate meeting to optimize efficiency
    i'll have more after the caffeine kicks in

    ReplyDelete
  3. - proactively do anything
    - make up words like impactful
    - synergize something
    - maximize the effectiveness
    - sleep with the boss
    - read the dictionary of corporate bullshit

    ReplyDelete
  4. Internet should be capitalized.

    Ditto Diablo.

    ReplyDelete
  5. oh, and don't forget to talk about how your interpersonal skills have grown in the time with mentioned of creative problem solving and what not crap likethat.

    you might want to leave out mentioning anything about shooting. it's makes the corporate people start to give you nervous sidelong glances. weird, don't you think?

    ReplyDelete