Monday, February 25, 2008

Cranky McCrankerson

I have finally noticed the opthalmic migraine pattern ... I get them mostly when I'm SuperTired ...

SuperTired and Cranky.

I'm very displeased with the "sick" co-worker. I was very looking forward to going home for a quick nap during my lunch break. Of course, if he is actually sick, I won't be as displeased. However, usually the more sick a person sounds on the phone when he calls in, the less I believe he is truly sick. I know. It's cynical. But, seriously, the whole whispered, pausing speech pushes the bounds of believability.

The message left on my phone was something like this: "Hi. It's [co-worker's name] ... I'm still ... sick ... I feel so ... *gasp* ... weak" blah blah blah etc etc etc.

Later on this morning, for the first time in a very long time, I had to hang up on a caller. The woman was KUH-RAY-ZEE. Usually, when I get a Crazy Caller, who is complaining about toxic chemicals and landlord conspiracies to make them sick and fibromyalgia and how the local government is full of cronies and inbred idiots who are out to kill them, I can usually say something along the lines of "I don't have the information you need, but if you call [another hotline] at [this number], they should be able to assist you."

In most cases, that works. The Crazy Caller takes the number and is another satisfied customer.

The woman I spoke with this morning was an Extra Special Breed of Crazy Caller. Whenever I mentioned another hotline, she had already spoken to them 5 years ago. I tried to give her different numbers and websites and technical contacts. After about 10 minutes, with her still rambling on about people removing her air filters without her knowledge and being exposed to toxins, I said, "I am not able to help you. You haven't accepted any of the numbers and contacts I've tried to provide you. Thank you for calling. Good-bye." *click*

Fun times, kittens. Fun times.

[p.s. What is it about people on the West Coast? That always seems to be where the ExtraCrazy are.]


  1. Yessir, every time I think about how pretty the Left Coast is, I start thinking about how many whack jobs they have and I have absolutely no desire to leave New England. At least our crazies here are of a more pedestrian and tolerable variety.

  2. I never believe the hammed up sick calls either. hope today is better sweetie.

  3. One of my boys was a notorious skiver. One time when he called I said "That's really unfortunate. I was hoping for your help. I'm writing out a job description to find someone with your skill set for when you're off sick. I was hoping you'd be here to help"

    Half an hour later he called to say it was obviously a morning thing because he was feeling much better and would be in shortly.

    Miracles can happen with incentive.

  4. "I am not able to help you. You haven't accepted any of the numbers and contacts I've tried to provide you. Thank you for calling. Good-bye." *click*"

    That is beautiful!

  5. On behalf of the ExtraCrazy of the country: We like it here! Wheeeeee!

  6. That was YOU on the phone?

    -- Laurie in California