Thursday, February 14, 2008

Happy Baseball Day!

I know what you're thinking, "It's not Baseball Day; it's Valentine's Day!" And, you would be right, except last night VUBOQ, in a flash of brilliance realized that baseball and Valentine's Day have a lot in common!

First, take a look at a baseball field, in common parlance, a baseball diamond (Get it?):

Take another look:
The Sports Gods really should call it a baseball heart. Srsly.

Did you notice what the little white squares are called? Yep. Bases. AND they're numbered!

First base, Second base, Third base, and Home base!

And we all know what those stand for! If you don't (you poor, poor sweet sexless thing), here's a chart:

First Base - Kiss
Second Base - A feel
Third Base - Um? Blowjob?
HOME RUN - Sex. Duh.

Unless, you are of the gay variety. Then, you get this:

First Base - Blowjob
Second Base - Teh hot, steamy, sweaty buttsecks
Third Base - Threesome
HOME RUN - Caligula-esque Orgy!! *w00t*

I don't know why all you people are straight. Srsly.


Finally, in baseball, if one team has scored 7 goals (TOUCHDOWN!) and the other team hasn't scored any, you don't say that the score is 7 to ZERO. You say the score is 7-LOVE! Isn't that sweet? Isn't it romantic?

And that, dear readers, is why today should be called Baseball Day.

I hope you all have a fantastic day with lots and lots of Home Runs!

More later. *smooches*


  1. That analogy sounds perfectly fine to me. And I should know, because I'm a great fan of all sports. Especially good sports.

  2. I feel like I'm sitting in the stands in the nose-bleeder section craning my neck to see the action.

    This was very cute. Happy Baseballing, Steven!

  3. We need more holidays that celebrate balls.

  4. Ummm, I'm kinda not gay but I agree more with the second set of base definitions. Does this make me a lesbian? I'm obviously gay but I do the stuff girls do to one another... I'm all confuzzled.

    Do I bop someone with a baseball bat? I've never done that during sex before. Do I need big gloves and a helmet before I poke anything?

    I've got a helmet but the gloves? Could you knit me some? I daren't have sex until I'm fully protected.

    Oh gawds, it's truly bed time.

  5. There is also your team (gay) and MY team (hetero - :(. I'm glad you clarified the gay version of "running the bases, I always wondered how that worked - you folks have way more fun than us. Oh, but love, BTW, 7 - love is technically tennis, but then again, who cares.

  6. angie: Wait. Baseball is a team sport?!

  7. Base on balls? Please, I needs to know.

  8. HOME RUN - Caligula-esque Orgy!! *w00t*

    I don't know why all you people are straight. Srsly.


    You ever achieved the famed HOME RUN yourself, slut?