Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Late Night Ramblings

I hand-wrote this entry last night. I'd scan it in directly if a) I had a scanner and b) I thought you could read my hand-writing:

The disappointing realization that my life isn't a Hollywood romantic comedy hit me on the head like a banksafe dropped from a skyscrapper.

Recently, I've felt like I've been hanging in midair, in midsentence, in midlife, waiting ... waiting for the grand gesture - the hand slipping in to stop the elevator doors from closing, the out-of-breath "Wait!" as I start to get in the cab, the "Princess Vivian" yelled from the limo. But it's not coming. I knew it never would, but ...

I've still been waiting.

If only my life had been written by screenwriters and directed by Rob Reiner, no, Nora Ephron ... If only. Then, maybe my prince would come, would realize he done me wrong, would fall on his knees and beg my forgiveness.

I've been waiting. But it's not coming.

No flowers delivered to my office.
No chariot.
No horses.
No knight in shining armor.

There's only me, alone with my mask - the one I put on when I go to work, when I go out, when I see my friends. Sometimes, I feel like it's the only thing holding me together, and I will fall apart if I take it off.

Rcently, I've felt like I've been waiting ... waiting for the other shoe to drop. I think it did. And the thud echoes in the emptiness.


  1. Scott C3:07 PM

    I hope everything, including you is okay. And the dropping shoe did not thud too loudly.

  2. Ooh -- This entry seems so sad. What's going on, little trooper?

  3. Nothing seems the way it should be or the way it should have been, at least lately.