Monday, September 25, 2006

Toxic Waste Dump of My Life

Hello, my name is VUBOQ, and this is going to be an extremely overdramatic entry that you probably shouldn't take at face value.

Things I learned this weekend:
1. I get cruised a lot more than I realized.
2. I should listen to my intuition more.
3. Mike and I ended our "relationship."

So, let's start with the depressing stuff first, then I'll recap the rest of a rather eventful weekend ...

Saturday night, after attending a party and seeing a movie, I was at Mike's house watching DVDs on his computer (his roommate had commandeered the downstairs TV). Mike asks, "So what are you thinking about our relationship?"

I responded that I was a little confused because it seemed like we (meaning he) were becoming more distant, rather than closer [like one would expect after seeing someone for an extended period of time].

He asked if this is something I had just noticed today. [Um. No.]. I said that I had been feeling that way for several weeks, and had been trying to figure out what was going on. Of course, he lambasted me for not communicating my feelings. [What.ever. We shall soon see that he could have also been a better communicator. It's a two-way street, y'know.]

He then went on to say this blah blah blah crap about how when he kisses someone that he needs to feel [for lack of a better word I'll use] "magic" and he doesn't when we kiss. He babbled on about how when we first met it was "really special" and he doesn't know why he can't be in a relationship. And, I'm just sitting there. Listening. Thinking.

It's 2AM. He said, "Do you want to stay over?'

I said no, put on my shoes and got ready to leave. I got home around 3:45.

And, now, we'll interrupt the narrative for a few of my thoughts:

1. He's known he's felt this way for several weeks [I could probably pinpoint it in this blog by going back to see when I stopped blogging about our sexlife]. He could have said something then. He probably should have said something then. That bothers me.
2. I knew this would not last. That it was temporary. All of my gut feelings pointed that way. So why did I not listen to them?
3. He said at one point "I shouldn't have to tell someone how to kiss me" and I thought, "why not? You tell people how you like blowjobs ['My head is really sensitive so be careful']. Why can't you tell them how you like to be kissed?
4. If you wait for "magic," you're going to be waiting for a long, long time. In my experience, the "magic" tends to be one-sided, the feeling unreciprocated. Fairy tales don't exist, yo.

So, anyway ... that's the gist of teh drama. Now, the weekend recap, with a little more drama thrown in towards the end ... [this is a clever ploy to get you to keep reading].

Friday, I went over to Christal's to tidy up her place and take her mountain bike. On the way, I was totally [and obviously] checked out by this guy stopped in traffic. It was funny. I say it was obvious, because usually I am completely oblivious to that sort of thing. I caught him looking. He smiled. I smiled back.

I biked home from Christal's, because bikes aren't allowed on Metro during rush hour (gah!). It didn't take too long, maybe 20 minutes, but I am seriously out of shape. *gasp* hill! *pant* Once I got home, I decided that I didn't want to be a total loser, so I called Darryl. I decided to meet him and his friends at Logan Tavern. I got there around 8:30, I guess. When I met them at their table, Darryl said, "Well, you certainly attracted attention as you glided in."

I'm all like "What?" ... see what I mean about oblivious?

After eating a bowl of mashed potatoes [I had eaten at home earlier] at Logan and having a Tangueray Negroni [bitter, like me!], we wandered down to Halo for a drink or two. Fun times were had by all. I got home around midnight.

Saturday, I went to the Whole Foods to buy ingredients for chili. I blobbed around. I knitted. I made chili. I met Mike at 5:30 to go to Mike and Matt's going away party, which was a lot of fun. Many nice people were there. Mike and Mike have some mutual friends, so Mike actually knew more people there than I did. Go figure. We left the party around nine and went to see Jet Li's Fearless, which I thought was really good [I have a super-huge crush on Jet Li]. It made me cry in a couple of places.

Lesseee ... then there was all the "drama."

Sunday morning, my cousin called at 9:45. It's good she did. Otherwise, I probably would have spent the day in bed feeling sorry for myself. She and her husband put an offer on a house in Ann Arbor. Yay! We talked about that. We talked about Mike. It was all good.

That afternoon, I decided to go shopping. I went to Barnes and Noble. Using some leftover giftcards, I bought a coffee and Rough Guide: Scotland. I'm very excited about my trip. [Did you know that I'm going to London?]. I went to Bed, Bath, and Beyond to buy some more clothes hangers. Then, I went over to Mike's. I wanted to pick up my inflatable mattress.

I get there and he's all chatty like everything is the same as it was. He's all "are you sure you want to take the mattress now?" and "I'll have a car this weekend I can drive it over" and "it's really heavy" and blah blah blah. I'm, like, "give me the friggin' mattress already."

He's asking about my shopping and whatnot and finally I say, "Mike, I don't think I can transition into simply friendship so quickly." He looks surprised, as if he's forgotten that he's had weeks to process everything and I've had about 12 hours. We talk. I start crying (gah!), mostly because I feel so stupid.

He's all "You're mad at me."
And, I'm all, "No. I don't get mad at people for being honest."
He's all, "Maybe you should have communicated how you felt earler."
I'm all, "Maybe. Maybe you should have, too. Not that anything would have changed."

It's not like communicating that I'm upset that we're not having sex as often as I like would have suddenly made him feel "magic" when we kiss. Perhaps it only would have hastened the end.

coulda woulda shoulda.

That's it. End of story. The end.
Any questions?

Yes.

1. Do I still have him take care of the PsychoKitty while I'm on vacation? [Did I mention that I'm going to London?] Or do I find someone else?
2. Do I back out of the weekend group trip to West Virginia that we were planning in November? [Darryl says no, because if I don't go, he won't go, and he wants to go. Maybe by then I'll have made my peace]
3. Can I find someone to date who is not a 'toxic bachelor'? Or should I throw in the towel?

Any answers?

Oh, and on my walk to work this morning, I am walking past the middle school's lower parking lot (about a block from my apartment) and a man in a silver car asked, "Do you need a ride?"

I smiled, said "No. Thank you" and went on my mary way to work.

I saw him drive by a few minutes later. He was so busy checking me out in his rear view mirror that he almost hit the car in front of him. *heh* Behold the power of VUBOQ in the morning!

7 comments:

  1. He asked if this is something I had just noticed today.

    “Gee, I might have had an idea several weeks ago when you stopped putting my penis in your mouth…”

    Sorry, but sometimes stupid irritates me.

    Annnnyway, I am also sorry that things didn’t work out with him. On the brighter side, though, keep in mind that it kept your mind distracted when you really needed distraction. As you said yourself, you knew that this relationship wasn’t destined for the long term. That’s okay.

    Yes, you will find a guy where both of you feel magic. Things like that, though, don’t just fall in place for anyone. That’s why you have to go out with the Mike’s of the world until you do encounter an authentic love, IMHO.

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  2. GayProf: Thanks for the reminder about the distraction aspect. I meant to blog about that, but forgot ... too many other things to mention, I suppose. *smooch*

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  3. I agree with GayProf. I was also irritated at the stupid remarks. It's also veeeery irritating when someone who doesn't communicate their feelings/ needs ends up blaming the other person for not communicating or noticing. It's so immature.

    As for your questions, I think you answered them already: follow your intuition.

    Oh, and I soooooo agree that this magic baloni is just some people's way of not dealing with reality.

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  4. 1. No.
    2. Yes. But I'm petty that way.
    3. That's complicated.

    And I would be wary of stalky guys in silver cars. Just a thought.

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  5. 1. Depends, but I'd say no if you can find a replacement easily.

    2. Depends, again. I find I'm tempted to draw analogies between you/Mike drama and me/Aragorn drama, in which case I'd say no.

    3. That is the same question I ask myself every damn day.

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  6. Gah. Boys! Magic, my ass. What a dork. (He may in fact be a perfectly fine human being, but I don't approve of boys who don't worship Vuboq properly.)

    Well, I guess it was technically a rebound anyway. Sigh.

    Breakups suck, though, they just do. *hugs*

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  7. You shouldn't be surprised about the cruising, you are adorable!

    I agree (with tk) on the creepy guy in the car, kinda scary

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