Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Meat-Free Monday: As God As My Witness, I'll Never Go Hungry Again!

*munches on carrot*

After work, I took the Metro to Scaryland (aka Wheaton). I needed to pick up a few things at Target, and I wanted to look for a pair of cute, slimcut, dark brown, fashionable pants which would travel well at Macys/JC Penneys/somewhere lelse.

No luck was had with the pants.

On the way home, I stopped off at Adega for dinner: portabello mushroom sandwich and a glass of the house cabernet. YUM. Plus, I got to ogle the cute new cashier, who also works as a barista at the nearest Starbucks. I really should ask him sometime if he works at every restaurant/shop in Silver Spring.

The food was good, but eating seems like such a chore recently. I may drop down to one meal a day.

Once home, I put in some Harry Potter DVDs and concentrated on my knitting. I finished another hat! YAY! I tell you, these hats are SUPER-CUTE. I have two more to knit as presents. Then, I'll buy some more of the yarn and make one for ME! Actually, I kind of want to make one for all my friends, but I think I may get tired of knitting them before that happens.

In other news, right before I left work yesterday, I got this email from Mike:

I haven't known you that long but it's still strange to check my email and see nothing from you today!

I'm wondering what to do about the road trip to [West] Virginia. I'm assuming you want to cancel the trip. Or, do you want to wait awhile in case you begin to feel differently?

When you left the house yesterday, I already began to miss hanging out with you. I hope we can again soon!


So, I wrote this back:

And what have you learned about making assumptions?

I spoke with Darryl yesterday about what to do about the trip, and he convinced me that I should still go. Maybe Darryl and I could share a room? Maybe I will feel not so out of sorts when I get back from London? Maybe I won't, but I still value your friendship and I don't want that to end. You helped me deal with a lot of difficult stuff that was going on this summer and I appreciate that so much.

I want to write more, but I can't without getting all emotional and that makes me feel even more ridiculous.


Knitting time is thinking time for me, and what I came up with last night is that I'm not sure if I'm getting all emotional about *him* or if I'm getting all emotional over the fact that I have been unable to have a relationship (other than very good friendships) that works.

There's always something: I live too far away. I don't drive. I'm a morning person. I didn't sweep him off his feet. I don't accept a partner who cheats. There's no "magic" when we kiss.

Y'know, I've never subscribed to the belief that you need a partner to be complete. That we are all puzzle pieces with missing gaps until we find that one special person who fits. Yet, I've always thought that somewhere out there is the "perfect" partner for me, someone who challenges me, who helps me be a better person.

The question is how do you find him?

7 comments:

  1. you probably will stumble into him. my theory about this is that if you just follow your intuition in everything you will end up in circles that have people who are compatible with you and will probably interest you in different ways.. so the more you follow your intuition the closer you are to stumbling into this guy... (whom i can't wait to meet).

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  2. Dude... if you find the answer to this question, please let me know!! But, even better is to not ponder this so much that you get depressed, instead go out and enjoy life to its fullest. You are a great person and you WILL find that perfect someone!!!!

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  3. I so know what you mean about believing there is that perfect guy out there.

    Part of me looks back at my former relationships and thinks, one of them could have been, and I trashed the opportunity.

    Part of me thinks I will find him someday.

    Then there is the part of me that thinks I'll die single and lonely :(

    *hugs*

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  4. I agree that we don't need someone to 'complete' us (and in fact psycologists and advice columnists would agree; that's sounding codependent.

    However I don't agree that there is one perfect special person out there for each of us. There are better matches than others of course. But even someone who seems prfect at first might change; we are all a work in progress. It's all shades of grey, of compromise, of communication, of learning and growing.

    I am a little concerned about this not wanting to eat, however, Steven.

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  5. We all go through periods of thinking that we are going to die old, alone, and bitter. I don’t think this will be the case for you, though (or Persian).

    If your past relationships didn’t work, ask the tough questions about why. Think more about what is important to you in a relationship. Monogamy seems high on your list. There is no reason to compromise on that if it is something that you need to feel secure. What else, though? It sounds a bit undefined form this end.

    The trick is then finding the person whose list matches yours. Yeah, negotiation and compromise will always be necessary. They shouldn’t, though, seem like unnecessary burdens or be hugely out of whack. There is a difference about negotiating over what type of coffee table to buy verses whether or not it’s acceptable to post personal ads on the internet (for instance).

    Think also about the things in yourself that need some more work. Too needy? Too reserved? Too emotional? Too cold and distant? We all have room for improvement.

    Chin up, little trooper. London we be a great distraction for you.

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  6. He will find you.
    When you are content with yourself and don't feel the "need" to look, tada, there he is. I swear, people are attracted to people, that are so happy with themselves they don't need anyone. It's a vibe you give off that's hard to resist.

    On the other hand,

    Mike, "I'm wondering what to do about the road trip to [West] Virginia. I'm assuming you want to cancel the trip. Or, do you want to wait awhile in case you begin to feel differently?"

    Is it all of a sudden he's tuning in to your feelings? I'm straight but I'm sorry, if my boyfriend was behaving like that and then tried to act like everything was hunky dory "as friends"....well, I'd figure he was messing with my head.
    That or totally insensitive.

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  7. 1. First of all, yes: being lonely is lonely. Also, when you're always the last one being picked for the baseball team you feel like dumb schmuck standing there all alone. It hurts. It's true. Don't feel sorry for feeling it.

    2. There's no one right person: there are a bunch of them. The odds are much higher than you think. Don't take any crap from inferior guys. Wait for it.

    3. Thank God for knitting, yo.

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