Sometimes I wonder how I ever accomplish anything at all. A behavior of mine I used to be very good at over-powering is starting to take control of my life. I've always been plagued by self-doubt and a lack of confidence in my abilities, but in the past I was fairly successful at pushing myself through these self-imposed barriers.
But, recently (meaning in the past year or so), something has changed. Before I even try something new, I've talked myself out of it:
Look! A cool job advertisement!
What's the point? I won't get it. And -ugh- all those essay questions.
There's a condo for sale! You should buy it!
Eh. It's nice, but I can't afford it. And, it has probably sold already.
[Fortunately, John pushed me on this one.]
Hey! This guy is great! And he really likes you! And he is smart and funny and attractive!
I know, but ... I'm too vulnerable right now. And I should be wary of rebound relationships. And he won't really like me once he gets to know me.
Somehow, I've got to push past this. There's only one person keeping me down ... and that's me.
While I figure out what the hell I'm doing, let's review my weekend:
Friday afterwork, I went home and cleaned up for the fundraising party at Mike's house. I met Robert and his friend, Jim, at Halo. Then, we went to Thai Tanic (get it?) for dinner. After dinner, we walked to the party.
The party had a pretty good turn out (I thought, though Mike seemed a little disappointed). Good food. Mojitos. Male belly-dancer. Darryl was there so I mostly spent my time talking to him and Mike, who at one point said, "You're cute" and kissed me. *giggle*
Robert, Jim, and I left the party around 10:30/45 and walked to the metro station. I got home around midnight.
On Saturday, I slept in until 9ish. Then, I drank lots of coffee and went roller-blading. Later, I walked up to the dry cleaners to pick up some shirts. I watched AeonFlux (gah) and knitted a bit. Around 4:30, I started to get a bit worried, because Mike still hadn't called to arrange our picnic date. I wasn't so worried that I couldn't take a short nap though.
He finally called around 5:30, and we decided to meet at 7:30. He made tomato, basil, and mozzarella sandwiches. I brought fruit and chips and olive tapenade. We picnicked on the lawn in front of the Capitol Building. The sun was setting and the building reflected the orange light. It was so pretty.
The sun went down. The stars came out. We talked. We kissed. A lot. I think we shocked a few Midwestern tourist groups. A Capitol Security Guard came up to us and told us there was no camping on the lawn. Then, he said that he was OK with us being there but another guard may ask us to leave later.
We talked about last weekend and our "hook-up" (which I refuse to call a "hook-up"). Heretofore, last Friday's all night not-quite-sex-a-thon shall be referred to as a "fortuitous convergence of events."
We kissed some more. And we talked. I wanted to make sure he understood the weird emotional place I am in right now. He said he did and that he was OK with just "hanging out."
We left the grounds a little after 11. He invited me back to his place, but I didn't go. Maybe I should have. I don't know. At the time, not going felt like the right thing to do though.
Sunday, I did a lot of blobbing around the house until the afternoon, when I met Robert and Jim at Dupont Circle. It was so hot I think my hair was sweating. We went to Alero for cheese dip and margaritas.
I went home and knitted some more. I finished the three inch 2x2 ribbed band on the front panel of my sweater. Yay! 25 inches to go. Then comes the neck shaping, the sleeve making, and the sewing it all together. Fun times.
I've got a big list of things I want to accomplish today, so I should get started :-)
PS: Don't forget today is Meat-Free Monday!!! Enjoy a meat-free meal. Take a picture. Post it on your blog. Leave me a comment. OR, heck, just do it and tell me about it. *Meat-Free Smooches* to be given on Tuesday!!! You know you love it!