John and I never had major arguments over public displays of affection. He simply refused to do it. No hand-holding. No hugging. No kissing. No nothing. And, if I ever tried to take his hand or touch him in public, I would receive an angry stare and/or a nasty comment.
One night, we were leaving the horrible little suburban gay bar in Wheaton, De Lounge. I was a little tipsy. As we walked through the parking lot to his car, I reached for his hand. He jerked it away. "You know I don't do that. We don't know anything about this neighborhood or what could happen if someone saw us."
I didn't argue, but thought, "Um. We're leaving a gay bar. I think they know without the hand-holding."
In the car, he continued to berate me about how he didn't do PDAs and why was I so insecure I needed it? The relationship was fairly young, and I wasn't confident in expressing my opinions. So, I took the verbal bashing.
Later, as I reflected on it, I thought, "Why is he so afraid/uncomfortable with PDAs?" Afterall, the man is a federal agent and certified bodyguard. He carries a gun with him almost constantly. He should be the most confident person in expressing how much he cares for someone in public.
And, it's not like I want to suck face in the middle of Heteroville. I just want a hand to hold or a hug when my guy meets me at the airport.
When Mike and I made out in Annie's (IN ANNIE'S!!! GAH!!) and later that weekend when he turned and kissed me on the escalator in Dupont Circle, I thought John would never have done that. I don't need a lot ... but I need something.
So, I guess it's good that I'm out of a relationship which wasn't giving me everything I needed. Yet, if that's true, why