Monday, June 26, 2006

A Hard Rain's Gonna Fall

I went to bed early last night (like 9:30). After the late night weekend activities (*rowr*) and the stress of death, I could barely keep my eyes open. Suddenly, I heard a woman yelling, "HELP!"

I checked the clock, 10:30. I found my glasses and looked out, but I didn't see anything except the rain and the lightning. Then, I looked left towards Sligo Creek Parkway. It was flowing rapidly, but cars on Wayne Avenue were still sloshing their way across (apparently their drivers missed the class where the instructor tells them not to drive across a flooded road). In the middle of the road sat one car, stationary, hazard lights blinking. Then, I heard someone knock on my neighbor's door.

"May I use your phone?"
"Of course. Just one minute."

That must have been the woman I heard screaming for help. I watched the river flow and the police come and the buses turn around. Cars wandered aimlessly, like forlorn farm animals cut off from the barn.

After about an hour, the water receded and the road was clear. The rain stopped, temporarily. Another torrential rain woke me up around 3.

In the midst of this, I had a rather disturbing dream about Isa's father's death and the rain.

I've been having very vivid dreams recently. The dream about Isa was the most recent. I've had several when I stayed over at Mike's. Sunday night, my dream was particularly disturbing.

In the dream, Mike's bedroom is attached to another bedroom. I walked into it and saw ... my brother!

"What are you doing here," I asked.
"I came up here to get some pussy."
"What?"
"You know I have to hit it here in DC, too."

Disgusted, I forced myself awake. The next morning, over tea and crackers, I told Mike about the dream.

"Hm," he said. "I think you are beginning to associate my house only with having sex."
"Could be. I guess we'll have to start doing other things here as well."
"We are. We're having tea."

Later, I told Darryl about my dream. He thinks it's a manifestation of guilt, that I feel guilty for having fun with Mike when I should still be mourning my relationship with John. And guilt that I'm only using Mike to meet my needs and not taking his feelings into consideration. I hope that isn't true, but it's given me a lot to think about.

Personally, I think Mike knows what he's getting into with me. We'll see ...

On a completely unrelated note, my Meat-Free Monday entry tomorrow will more than likely be rather uninspired. Apologies in advance.

2 comments:

  1. I feel guilty for having fun with Mike when I should still be mourning my relationship with John. And guilt that I'm only using Mike to meet my needs and not taking his feelings into consideration.

    Hmm -- It seems good to think about these issues. Still, I am not sure that they are really a problem. Mike, I assume, is a fully-functioning adult and knows about your recent break-up. Unless you are lying to him, he should be able to gauge whether your relationship is meeting his needs by himself. Only he can decide that.

    As for having fun, John cheated on you, no? You deserve to have fun. Plus, it seems like you are mourning as well (at least from the blog). So, unless you are supposed to pose as Scarlett O'Hara at the war ball, I am not sure what type of mourning you need to be doing.

    Finally, after my break-up, my therapist actively encouraged sex and dating with other people ASAP. That was a "professional" opinion.

    There, have I justified everything for you? ;-)

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  2. Gayprof rocks. Go read that comment again.

    I think your vivid dreams are a result of a high stress level. Everything was wandering along one way, and suddenly it's different. The bod tends to react to things like that. Plus you're worrying. Which makes for weird dreams.

    *hug*

    I don't want you to feel guilty about having fun with Mike. Fun is the whole purpose of life. Follow the joy. Guilt is a waste of time.

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