Thursday, April 19, 2007


In high school, I had a crush on the one of the bad boys, the leather jacket wearing, smoking in the boys' room, skipping class bad boy. Billy was rarely in school, but, when he was, everyone knew it. You couldn't miss the 12-inch mohawk coming down the hall. He was tall, dark-haired, with stunning eyes which were usually clouded over in some sort of narcotic haze. I admired him from afar. Same school, two different worlds.

Then, those worlds collided. The summer before our Senior year, Billy found God and cleaned up his life. The hot mohawk-sporting bad boy was gone. In his place, stood a typical Dockers-wearing Young Republican with a dream to become a minister. *shudder*

He was still attractive in a clean-cut way, but the crush was gone. We became more than acquaintances, but not quite friends.

Last night, I dreamed about him.

As I sat at my desk this morning, reading the WaPo articles about the events at VA Tech, I began to wonder if that's what triggered my dream. That summer, someone offered Billy a helping hand ... and he took it. And that made all the difference.

"You had a hundred billion chances and ways to have avoided today," said Cho Seung Hui.


  1. was god lost in the boys room? smoking? bad god! he should be spanked!

  2. True as it may be that one person, one action can make a world of difference for many people... those words from the mouth of a killer who spent a lot of time thinking about various creative ways in which to off people rings hollow. He wasn't exactly banging his head against the walls begging for someone to help him stop his homicidal urges.

    I don't give an ounce of credibility to this "you could have stopped me but you didn't" BS. That's just icing on the cake for a self-absorbed prick, knowing that it'll be one more twist of the knife after he's gone and done his deed. People did try to reach out to him. They even took him for psychiatric help but he refused to own up to where he was, so they let him go. He was a sick man. But no one can help someone who's sick if they don't own up to the fact that they have a problem. There is always a choice--even if it comes down to a choice between killing yourself or spitting in the face of the world and taking as many people with you as you can, that's still a choice. He made a choice to be as evil as possible when he went out.

    Sorry for ranting. It just makes me angry to know that he was so cavalier about refusing to take responsibility for himself. Same as Kimveer Gil--the past bullying thing was, more than anything, an excuse to indulge a violent streak. That sense of entitlement to hurting others is what really hits home for me.

  3. Wasn't crushing on a bad boy required in high school?