Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Tomorrow. Tomorrow. The Someone Better Will Come Along Tomorrow.

It's always a day away.

The people have spoken. Or at least some of them. So here's my exposition on:

#4 Big city life and the creation of the societal expectation of "Someone Better Will Come Along Tomorrow"

A few months ago, I sucked it up and stuck my toe back into the Dating Pool.

Dating is hard. It should be fun, but I'm too busy thinking things like "stop babbling" and "make eye contact" and "ask questions" and "be interested" to truly enjoy a first date. I hit my stride (I think) with the second date. However, since I started dating again, I've only had one second date out of 4 [or was it 5?] dates.

I didn't date a lot until I moved to DC, so I do not have a strong frame of reference. However, I wonder if Big City Culture has created a society in which people are never quite satisfied with what they have, because something new (and possibly better) may be right around the corner: Men are like buses. There's always another one coming.*

Bala Wala Shi provided a link to an interesting NYT article, Romantic Revulsion in the New Century: Flaw-O-Matic 2.0, the premise being that we find fault, no matter how tiny, with our dates. GayProf also touched on this with his inspired Deal Breaker post.

My general thinking is that the root cause of the Flaw-o-Matic and the Deal Breaker are the same: Someone better will come along. Men are passing up on Practically Perfect in Every Way People because Mr. Perfect in Every Way is moving here soon!

Small towns don't have that problem (as much). They don't have a constant influx of people moving there. They don't foster the same quest for Someone Better. Quoth my cuzin: "That’s why you should move to a smaller town. Like Ann Arbor. It’s more laid back and friendly and it’s easy to meet people. Plus, everyone knows there are a limited number of fish in this pond and if you find a good one, you shouldn’t throw it back."

Not that I'm moving to the Frozen Tundra anytime soon. Nor do I want to appear like I am shifting my lack of [second] dates on everyone else.**

What I am doing is learning from my experiences, becoming more comfortable with myself, and -hopefully- someone better will come along. But, if not, I'll be OK.***

*Unless you miss the last S2/S4 to Silver Spring, then another one *is* coming ... but not for another 6 hours or so.

**Even though I am. I'm fantastic! Everyone should want me!

***Just don't get me started on the whole Job-Hunting/A Better Resume Will Get Here Tomorrow culture


  1. I *heart* gross generalizations.

    And there's a flaw in the small/er town scenario, too: mainly that since there are only a small group of people to choose from, so many settle not for Practically Perfect in Every Way but Totally Unacceptable But All There Is.

    I would submit that both of these problems stem from one thing, and one thing only: no one really thinks, down deep, that they're worthy and they're hoping for Someone To Come Along and *prove* to them that they are. When they're confronted not with Shining Armor Guy but Normal Human Being, they think, "Eh, this one isn't the Disney love I'd hoped for, so instead of doing any real work I'll pass."

  2. Well, I am the totally wrong person to ask about managing one's personal life. I make many poor choices.

    I agree with Goblinbox about the small/er town scenario. Also, in the small/er town-gay-community, you often end up with almost everybody having slept with almost everybody else at some point. The same ol' bus just keeps going in a circle.

    Still, have you actually met somebody who is Practically Perfect in Every Way yet? I haven't got that impression from your blog.

  3. Maybe you could consider doing this?

  4. Good points about small towns, goblinbox and gayprof. I wonder if there's some "Happy Medium" City out there ... somewhere.

    Gayprof, I have not yet met someone who is PPiEW, yet; however, I would have liked the opportunity to get to know this last date a little better. As for your BGB link ... it's something to think about.

  5. maybe you should move to "big midwestern university" place where gayprof is and date him? he's smart, he's cute, he's funny, he's worshipped by all who read his blog as a virtual god. what more could a guy ask for?

    *stops matchmaking*

  6. I agree with gayprof. In a small town out gays are really limited. It's a case of Practically Perfect In Every Way, Not Really But That's All There Is ...

    Now, if I were Mary Poppins, I'd pull your dream man out of my magic black bag ... or snap my fingers and he'd appear in the Vuboq livingroom ... or maybe, we could just ride a carousel horse in the woods and have a tea party on the ceiling.


  7. Anonymous5:22 PM

    Ok, I am screwing off work and had to write. As the cuzin of the Ann Arbor quote I would like to say a) my town is not THAT small, and b) my single gay friends are still finding new people to sleep with, (though to be fair, some of these people are in Metro Detroit), and c) at least one of these friends is PPiEW and if my esteemed cuzin could move north of the mason dixon I would set him the fuck up already. In general the people I know/meet here seem to partner up, whether straight or gay. I am a case in point, having met my husband here after dating lots of guys in two big east coast cities. So I don't know what it is - could be heightened appreciation of the good fish in the small(er) pond, could be the town attracts people who want partners, could be that academics are attracted to each other (the major employer is the University of Michigan), but it could also be the cold winters.