Monday, July 24, 2006

A Long Weekend Full of Fun, Excitement, and the Disappointing Discovery that I Don't Always Follow the Third Agreement

I'm a little groggy this morning (explanation to come), so here's a brief rundown of my weekend.

Friday night. I stayed in. Ran out of gin. Watched DVDs. Knitted.
Saturday. I got up early. Had my haircut and reblonded (see photo below). Bought lottery tickets (I didn't win). Blobbed around the house. Went to a birthday party with Mike.

Sunday. Eventually got up. Ate "breakfast" (Is it still breakfast if you eat it at 1:30PM?). Met Tomoko and Robert at the National Gallery of Art. Saw the Henri Rousseau exhibit. Mike joined us at Alero. Drank many margaritas. Ate liquid cheese. Sat in the Circle. Walked around DC with Mike. Went back to Mike's. Watched Miss Universe (really just to see the Project Runway-designed evening gown). Discovered I had made an incorrect assumption.* Got on the 70 bus at 11:40PM. Arrived in Silver Spring at 12:23. Home at 12:45. In bed at 1.

very very very very very very tired.

*As some of you will remember from a previous post, I am reading a book Mike gave me, The Four Agreements. The Third Agreement is Don't Make Assumptions.

So, last night, as we were walking a bus goes by, and he says, "Do you mind if we take the bus? I've got to use the bathroom." We hop on the bus and ride to his house. We're watching TV and talking. One of his roommates comes and goes. I look at the time (11:30) and say that it's getting late. Mike says, "You didn't think you were staying over tonight, did you?"

Um. Well ... Not anymore. So, I say, "Um. Well ... [pause] ... I didn't have any thoughts one way or the other [lie]." OK. Yes, I know I should have said that, yes, I had assumed because he suggested taking the bus back to his place that I would be staying over, because a) it was getting late and b) ... hm ... I can't think of a (b).

However, he starts giving me this long explanation about how he needs to clean his room (he does) and how the boyfriend of one of his roommates has been spending a lot of time at the house and how he doesn't want the roommate to think that because I stay over sometimes his boyfriend can stay there all the time... blah blah blah ... whatever.

I was a little peeved. The metro had -more than likely- already stopped running. So, I had to take a bus. He walked me to the bus stop and waited with me until it arrived. The bus was crowded and stopped frequently and it took me forever to get home.

I realize that my peevedness is not directed towards Mike. Rather, I'm peeved at myself for making an assumption I shouldn't have. I should have asked what his plans for the evening were. I didn't. I only have myself to blame for being so cranky this morning.

It would be a heckuvalot better if I could blame him though.

**Adendum: Don't forget it's Meat-Free Monday (or Tuesday if you're in Australia)! Do your part for the environment by enjoying a delicious meat-free meal today! *meat-free smooches* to all those who do!!!


  1. {begin rather intense comment}

    Dude. He asked you over. The past times he's asked you over, it was for the night. I think you're taking the lazy way out to 'blame' yourself, because then you can pretend you're dealing with your shit without actually dealing with it. What you need to do is learn to get really direct. Mike was direct with you: he wanted his space so he basically kicked you out for the night. That's a skill you need to learn: directness about your needs and desires. His desire to have a night alone is no more valid than your desire to be with him. The difference is that he just came right out with what he wanted, and you didn't, and you got your feelings hurt. You can say, "Yeah, I made an assumption, I'm the asshole here" but the truth is that once again you didn't speak your piece.

    WHAT YOU WANT IS TOTALLY VALID. Ask for it. Tell him what you want, REGULARLY. Get all up in his face about your relationship goals. We all know that in your heart, you want to be in a real relationship. That's not only fine, it's fucking awesome. I'd like to see you toss out your wait-and-see approach and TELL Mike. "I'm this kind of guy, I'd like to have this kind of relationship." It's okay if you can't describe every detail, but you got to tell your truth instead of waiting for him to maybe or maybe not become what you think you might want. You got to get proactive. You deserve the kind of relationship you want, and until you OWN that without fear of seeming needy or weak or clingy -- because wanting a good relationship is none of those things! -- you're gonna keep having these experiences.

    {/end rather intense comment}

    I love you and adore you and want the best for you. Plus I know how these relationships go 'cause I'm a LOT like you. *smooch*

  2. You're right that you probably shouldn't have assumed you'd be staying over, but he also could have easily said, "Do you mind if we take the bus? Oh, and just so you know -- I don't think I can ask you to stay over tonight because blah blah blah. Sorry, maybe next time!"

    Simple, clear, direct, and wouldn't have killed him or hurt your feelings.

    So you both share equal responisibility for the (relatively minor in the grand scheme of things) miscommunication.

  3. What Billy said. You and Mike both got some work to do on the talking thing. But then, so does everyone else... :P

  4. ew, the 4 agreements—and you still want to stay over there because.....? this is one of those fill in the blank tests you enjoy so much. (the correct answer is something like: ....because you want to steal the crystals to make a dangly shiny necklace to accessorize with your shiny disco shirt for the next big new years night out—yes, it'll be that long before the next worthwhile outing according to the tea leaves expelled from uranus.)

  5. What Goblinbox said!! Yeah! (Dude, she rawks.)