Thursday, July 20, 2006


A recent conversation with some friends has been coloring my perception and interpretation of events. I know I shouldn't let other people's opinions hold such influence over my thinking. However, I've always been inclined to believe the negative over the positive.

The subject was my "relationship" with Mike. One friend stated simply, "all things must end." While true, the question is when will the end come? Tomorrow? Next year? When one of us dies? The other friend, commenting on the rebound aspect, said that once I fully recover from the breakup with John, I will end things with Mike - be it in one month, three months, or maybe as long as a year. He went on to say that Mike will be crushed.

I'm not in the habit of crushing people [although I have -unintentionally- done it in the past], and what he said has been bothering me a lot.

I know I started seeing Mike because it was fun and I needed a diversion. As time passes, I feel myself becoming more attached to him. I've been holding out this stupid little hope that even though we are "just hanging out" and "having fun" that -maybe- given time, a *real* relationship could happen. Whatever the hell a *real* relationship is ...

Which brings us to the Third Agreement ... even though I've tried to communicate more openly with Mike than I have with others, I am still making assumptions about how he feels about me and what he expects. I must figure out how to broach the subject without coming off as ... as ... desperate? clingy? needy?

And, now for something completely different ...

If you could have sex with any superhero, who would it be?

My first choice: Green Lantern (either Hal Jordan or John Stewart)
My second choice: Aquaman


  1. you know what they say, if you assume, you make an ass out u and me...

    ok, that was bad, but i don't think broaching the subject makes one come off as desperate, clingy, or needy. it's a part of being open and communicating. i would think that mike would like to know more about your feelings as you do his.

    but in any case, GOKU from Dragon Ball Z, when he goes all super saiyan.

  2. I know you can sometimes run the risk of seeming "needy" when bringing up serious emotional subjects like that. But would a little of that be the end of the world? Part of a good relationship is being able to be vulnerable, you know? And sometimes it's nice to be needed, and you have to be willing to return the favor.

    That said, if you start "The Talk" by saying you've hurt someone in the past, and want to make sure you don't do the same to him, you can kind of shift the focus from your needs to his.

  3. Broaching the subject of where each of you stands regarding the relationship (if that's the word) is NOT being desperate, clingy, or needy. Acting desperate, clingy, or needy is being desperate, clingy, or needy. See where I'm going with this? ;)

    Which would you rather have -- (1) the constantly nagging uncertainty of where he stands and the continual frustration of not feeling free to say where you stand OR (2) the perhaps temporarily nervous-making feeling of bringing up a topic that's difficult but that will ultimately clear the air and result in greater mutual understanding (whether you turn out to be on the same page or not)?

    That nervous (or needy or whatever) feeling will pass once you get it out of the way. The uncertainty and frustration, however, will NEVER pass if you don't communicate.

  4. Yah, what they said. There's nothing desperate about wanting to talk about the direction your relationship is going--in fact, it's a very healthy urge.

    Does it have to be a superhero? Morpheus doesn't count as a superhero (I mean Gaiman, not the Wachowski brothers).

  5. Sod serious, it's friday here - Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Trust me eh?

  6. I'd do Morpheus. Also, between the Lanterns, it's a bit of a toss-up...Kyle Rayner or Hal Jordan? Or that other really hot one, with the orange beard, the alien (not Guy Garner).

    Oh hell, who'm I kidding? All of 'em. At the same time. The entire DC & Marvel universes. I don't like to have to pick and choose.

  7. Talk about it. Make him talk about it. If he can't, he ain't worth you hon. Why are we so afraid of seeming needy? BE needy. If you don't tell him what you need, he can't give it to you!

  8. how odd. green lantern must be in the air. i was there on friday. and i think i was asking you about the guy with the green ensemble that resembles robin hood's nifty pant suit. it is green arrow (if it was you who suggested it)—i'll pick him for the time being. i remember liking cosmic boy (legion of superheros) long time ago when he seemed brawny and fuzzy. looking back though i don't see that anymore. maybe it was a later version. are any dc comics superheros hairy?