Thursday, October 11, 2007

Odds and Ends. Ends and Outs.

First, a few bits of bloggery business:

-Steph, here's a link to the sort-of chili recipe i use.
-Clio Bluestocking, I have a sneaking suspicion that you live in the area. If you're interested in coming to the 6th Annual BYOP Pumpkin Carving Party, send me an email (environy[at]gmail[dot]com) and I'll send you the evite.

Now, on with the show ...

I did laundry last night. Lots and lots of laundry. Prior to my parents' visit, I was looking for a sheet. I bought it in Japan to cover a crappy sofa I had in my tiny little apartment. The sheet was made in India (I think), it was red and blue and geometric design fun. Sometimes, in the summer, I would use it as a bedspread. The last time I used it was as a groundcover at Diagonally Upstairs' Neighbor's summer barbeque. I know I washed it after that use. I wonder if I left it in the community drying room and someone took it? Or did I give it away? I have no idea. I've searched my house and can't find it. It's frustrating ... Not because I need it, but simply because I can't find it.

After laundry, I ate leftovers. Then, DUN and DUN's SuperCute Gay Brother [SCGB] came down for drinks and conversation. That was fun. They left around 10 or 10:30, I think. A few minutes later, Y came over. That was also fun.

Yet guilt inducing.

I reeeeeeeeeeeeally need to get myself sorted about that. As DUN wisely put it last night, "You have no future together. Why are you doing this?"

Hm.

Dunno.

I guess somewhere, in some tiny little corner of my heart, there is a tiny little kernel of hope that has yet to be squashed. *sigh*

Anyway, during the course of his visit, Y mentioned a former friend of mine. When I told him that that person and I are no longer communicating, Y asked since when. And I said, "Since you and I began dating."

Y looked shocked. "I had no idea. I thought he was a nice guy and have nothing against him."
"Apparently, the reverse is not true," I replied.

People are weird.
People are fickle.
And you never know when something you do may cause offense ... especially to those who are easily offended.

And then deal with that offense by cutting off all communication.
Live and learn, kittens. Live. And learn.

On a happier note, I had gingerbread for breakfast. YUM.

5 comments:

  1. It might be that people are fickle. More often than not, though, such instances suggest that they feel that their own feelings aren't being respected or considered. It could also be about self protection. Then there are times when friendships simply die out on their own.

    It's all about choices. . .

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  2. Kernel of hope, yes. But what is that hope for? For a relationship? How would that work if it's already clear that it won't? Who would have to change? Is that change worth it?

    I should be one to talk, eh? :P

    *puts a snowball in a thermos*

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  3. I think you expressed that very well about it being that last small kernel of hope which keeps you physically involved with Y. The most difficult thing of all is to let that last vestige of hope go. I don't how to do that myself, either.

    I think the way to really be safe is to open your heart to all your life contains ... the sad and poignant and hurting, too. But that's very hard to do all the time, and sometimes self-protection does need to overide all else.

    In the end, perhaps the bravest thing we can do is simply to go on however we can, finding peace and comfort in the thousand tender mercies and rituals of life.

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  4. I feel ya on that last kernel of hope. Its the stuff of tragic, doomed romance, and the strength of the heart in the face of reason. Maybe you just have to ride it out? Big hug?

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  5. These comments are all too serious. I had beer and Thai seafood salad for brekky. I know that sounds weird but it was about 12/30ish before I got around to breakfast....

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