Thursday, May 01, 2008

Take a Trip to Whole Foods with VUBOQ

Alternate Title: Why VUBOQ Should Always Take a Shopping List

One cloudy gray morning, after walking to the Post Office to mail packages to some lucky readers in Vutopia, VUBOQ thought, "I need to buy lunch ... and something for dinner. I think I'll go to Whole Foods."

On the way to Whole Foods, VUBOQ made a mental list:

-Something for lunch
-Pasta
-Jalapeno-stuffed olives
-Blue Cheese (to re-stuff the olives and then garnish the martini*)

Upon entering Whole Foods, VUBOQ noticed that the entire fruits/vegetable department had been re-arranged. He promptly forgot his list and got lost in the "Locally Grown" Section.

"Oh. One Local Summer is approaching. This will be handy ..."

*looks at price of Locally Grown Cherry Tomatoes*

"... And expensive!" GAH.

"Avocados are on sale ($1.49 each)! Must buy one! I could put it in a salad tonight! Which means I'll need little grape tomatoes! But, I won't use all of them in one salad. I should buy eggs to scramble this weekend. Oooh. Jalapeno peppers would be yummy in the eggs! And they're on sale ($0.99/pound)!" Which reminds VUBOQ: Whatever happened to the "cents" key on the keyboard? VUBOQ hates typing $0.01.

On to the olive section. "What? No Jalapeno-stuffed olives? Guess I'll buy garlic-stuffed olives* instead. Oh. and eggs. I need to get eggs. Ooh. Cheese! Since I have gorgonzola at home and I don't have any jalapeno-stuffed olives to restuff, maybe I'll by something other than blue cheese."

VUBOQ spent a good 15 minutes staring at cheeses. Mmm. Cheese. And ended up picking one of Tomokito's favorites, Robusto [please roll the r when you read this].

As he rounded the bend to the prepared food section, VUBOQ saw bottled mineral water, which reminded him that he is out of Whole Foods 365 Brand Natural Italian Soda, Lemon Flavor. YUM. And, he noticed that the small bags of chips selection was quite pathetic.

So, he headed over to the chips/soda aisle ... Kettle chips? Pirate's Booty? Utz Organic (is that an oxymoron)? VUBOQ picked up a bottle of Whole Foods 365 Brand Natural Italian Soda, Lemon Flavor and contemplated a bottle of Whole Foods 365 Brand Natural Italian Soda, Grapefruit Flavor.

"Oooh. Nana's Cocina Tortilla Chips! And Senor Fields Chipotle Salsa (Medium)! I can have those tonight (with my martini*) AND use them in my scrambled eggs with jalapeno and tomato this weekend! BONUS!"

VUBOQ remembered that he needed something for lunch so he headed back over to the prepared food section, grabbed a burrito-looking thing and walked to the checkout.

Now, let's compare the mental shopping list to the actually purchased items:

Mental list (from above):
Something for lunch
Pasta
Jalapeno-stuffed olives
Blue Cheese

Actual Items Purchased:
1 Avocado
1 Jalapeno
Grape Tomatoes
Garlic-stuffed Olives
1/2 dozen Eggs
Robusto [Did you roll the r?]
Whole Foods 365 Brand Natural Italian Soda, Lemon Flavor
Nana's Cocina Tortilla Chips
Senor Fields Chipotle Salsa, Medium [This stuff is like crack, srsly.]
Some sort of burrito thing

And that's what it's like when you grocery shop with someone who has Grocery Shopping Attention Deficit Disorder (GSADD).

The End.

*Did I mention it's the first day of May, which means Alcohol-Free April is OVER?

8 comments:

  1. Yum! You didn't also happen to be hungry, too, did you?

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  2. I generally hate Whole Foods because their prices are way, way jacked up. Have you tried Local Harvest to find farmer's markets or whatever near you?

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  3. Haha, GSADD. I am a fellow sufferer.

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  4. Srsly, is there anyone who actually follows their own grocery list?

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  5. I generally follow my list unless I remember something I forgot to put on the list.

    And on the Mac, ¢ is created by typing alt + 4 (makes sense, 'cause shift + 4 is $; also, alt + 3 is £ and shift + alt + 2 is €). On a Windows machine, you prolly have to open Character Map or some such nonsense. Unless you memorize the alt + four number combination, which is a suck ass way to do it, IMO.

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  6. Vuboq sounds like he's been reading a lot of Bossy.

    YAY FOR MAY! Have a cocktail. Or twelve.

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  7. Happy Martiniful May!

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