Monday, June 16, 2008

How a 4-Pack of Toilet Paper Ends Up Costing $20.20

Step One: Buy your toilet paper at Whole Foods [365 Brand Papier Hygienique - $2.99]

Step Two: Realize that while in Whole Foods you will probably want to buy other things, but you also want to keep to your June budget so ...

Step Three: Tell self you can only buy items that begin with the letter T. How Sesame Street!

Step Four: After putting the toilet paper in your basket, remember you need toothpaste (T! We can buy it!).

Step Five: On the way to the toothpaste, bypass little old lady pushing her cart so slow you think it's going backwards by cutting down the Snack Aisle.

Step Six: Mmmm. Snacks. Ponder Kettle Chips, Pirate's Booty and then ... TORTILLA CHIPS [Nana's Tortilla Chips - $2.79] (YAY! T!).

Step Seven: Think that Tortilla chips by themselves are kind of blah.

Step Eight: Pick up a jar of salsa [Senor Field's Chipotle Salsa - $5.19].

Step Nine: Justify the non-T beginning salsa by referring to it as a single unit: Tortilla chips and salsa.

Step Ten: While choosing toothpaste [Tom's of Maine Cinnamon Clove Fluoride Gel - $5.59], notice that your favorite dental floss is on sale, Tea Tree Oil Dental Floss! T! [Desert Essence Tea Tree Oil Dental Floss -$2.99].

Step Eleven: Check out. Total + tax - $0.05 bag refund = $20.20

That's some expensive toilet paper.


  1. I love you. Srsly.

  2. I think you did pretty good for only spending $20.20. You'd have to add some zeros to my dysfunction.

  3. What a fun way to shop! I think I need to employ that method for bird-spotting. Starting with T, of course. (The better to spot tangerines with, my dear.) Let's see. Chickadees are tits. Bluebirds are thrushes. Nutcrackers are très fabulous!

  4. Don't be blaming the toilet paper, Mr. Spender.

  5. Your method almost bankrupted me. I followed it to the letter (he he he)

    I only bought Tuna steak, This selection of veg, Tinned stuffs, That snack stuff, Toiletries and Those beers on special offer.

    Where did I go wrong?

  6. If dental floss is on your shopping list, look on This handy little floss holder comes with 50 yards of floss and can be used for years into the future refilled by the floss of your choice. It's only $6.95.