Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Fire and Ice

With the temperatures appoaching triple digits and the FDA issuing a warning on red tomatoes, I have begun to crave summery salads, and one in particular: Fire and Ice Salad. It's really quite simple to make. Quarter tomatoes, peel and slice cucumbers, and slice some red onion and maybe a jalapeno or two. Combine in a casserole dish with your favorite homemade vinegrette and refrigerate.

It's hot. It's cool. It's perfect. Thinking of it yesterday, brought back a flood of memories ...

Two years and two days ago, I broke up with the Cheating Cheater. Two years and nine days ago, I caught him with a twenty-something-year-old with long hair and bad skin. On the metro ride home from that discovery, I somehow managed to spill an entire dish of Fire and Ice Salad which I had made to take to a potluck later that afternoon. $20 worth of heirloom tomatoes and organic cucumbers dripped down the orange metro vinyl, and I sat there, numb.

As I was relating this story, last night, to Y, he said something along the lines of, "This is probably not the best time to mention it, but I think you have an overly strict view of monogamy."

Um. What?

"If you don't like it, you know what to do," I replied.

Many things about me have changed over the years, but one thing that I see remaining constant is my definition of monogamy, no matter how overly strict it is. Other people can be perfectly happy with open relationships, with stepping out occassionally, but I know I won't be. So don't even try. If that's what you want, it's time to move on because you're not getting it from me.

Fire and Ice

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

Robert Frost

In other news, pottery was a blast. I threw two mugs and a largish vase (which I'm not overly pleased with, but whatevs). My goal this session is to learn to make lids. We'll see how that goes.

I also had to sit through Y practicing his presentation. He's presenting a paper next week at some conference. The first run-through, and I say this with love, was baa-aaa-aaaaad. He has 20 minutes. It took over 30. He spent too much time on the set up and not enough on the results/conclusions (which should be the most interesting part, right?). I'm sure it will get better with practice.

Of course, sitting through his practice presentation meant that I didn't get to bed until nearly midnight. Y stayed up all night working. I am tired.

More later. *smooches*

PS. It would seem the Straight Guy won an award. VUBOQ never wins awards. What up with that?


  1. Overly strict view of monogamy? Um, what? Mono means ONE, right? I can understand open relationships, but an open relationship is, by definition, not monogamous, right? Sheesh.
    We call that Summer Salad, and skip the jalapenos. :-)

  2. I love it when you throw mugs and vases after talking about relationships. Please keep this up.

  3. The monogamy thing: Uh, wha?

    This reminds Bossy of The Wedding Singer, when:

    the day after Adam Sandler is stood up at the alter, his fiancee shows up and tells him she never wanted to marry him, and Sandler is all, "Gee, you know that information would have been more useful to me **YESTERDAY**!!!!!!!"

  4. Monogamy works for some people and not for others. The key thing is being honest with both yourself and your partner about it. It's all about finding another person who shares the same vision of relationships.

  5. Okay, I realize Y is not the most tactful of conversationalists, but WAT. Monogamy is monogamy. Cheating? is FUCKING CHEATING. Cheating is possible in non-monogamous relationships, depending on what ground rules have been laid out. But there is no such thing as "sort of monogamous" like there is no such thing as "sort of pregnant".

  6. What part of "mono" does Y not get? He needs a visit to a dictionary or a course on the limits of semantics ;)

  7. Hi, Devil's Advocate here. Join this thread? Don't mind if I do.

    First, I'd like to hear how Y defines monogamy before I castigate him for defying the official version of monogamy, as set forth by VUBOQ.

    Second, some people say a person is cheating if they look at porn on the computer. Because, you know, what part of monogamy don't you understand? Same with going to a strip club.

    Further, is phone sex cheating? And how do you define sex? Do both people have to climax? If they do it without touching each other is it still sex? If you make out with someone for three hours and never orgasm, was that cheating?

    I respect those who want monogamy, but like everything else on this planet, there is nothing that is black and white. Nothing. And if it's your way or the doorway, then fine but be prepared to see a lot of traffic going through it.

    Having said that, I really really hope you and Y can find common ground on this. With neither of you having to be made "wrong" about it.

    My mom and dad have been together for over 40 years and are still in love. But my mom told me once that "when a man stops looking at other women, it's time to bury him."


  8. @David: I agree, boundaries in relationships need to be defined. However, I think it's at least terribly insensitive of Y to tell VUBOQ that his boundaries are wrong after hearing this story. IIRC, VUBOQ had indeed laid out boundaries with Cheating Cheater, who went ahead and broke them pretty much in his face. In the context here, it seems like Y is bringing this up specifically because sex outside of the relationship has been mentioned, which falls outside of pretty much everyone's definition of monogamy.