Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Get Off My Back

My apartment has some plumbing issues: There's a leak in the kitchen sink. The hot water in the bathroom sink comes out of the tap at slightly greater force than a trickle. The bathroom sink drain is bordering on becoming clogged. The toilet sometimes runs and should be grouted to the floor.

I know these are problems. And I haven't gotten them fixed for a number of, probably not very good, reasons. Namely, time and money combined with the effort of locating/contacting a decent plumber.

Y has taken it upon himself to start nagging me about it. Daily. On the phone. On IM. When we're cuddling after sex. It is driving me crazy. And stressing me out. "When are you going to call a plumber?"

"I don't know."

He nags. I refuse to give in.

I don't respond well to nagging. It makes me dig in my heels. I feel like if I give in to his nagging, it only means that the next time there will be more nagging. I know it's something that I need to do, but I want to do it in my own time and in my own way. I don't want to be hounded and harassed and hassled and harangued.

What I need now is a way to shut down the nagging without capitulation. Maybe something to say whenever the nagging starts like "I understand you are concerned, but I'm not going to talk about it anymore with you?"

Seems a little harsh, no?


  1. The only plumbing Y should concern himself with is his own. That and the plumbing in his house.

  2. Take it from one who nags, we never give up

    Sista #1

  3. No, that's not harsh at all, that's like, basic assertiveness! But you are right that people who nag don't ever stop nagging. You will probably not be able to change his behavior, so it's going to be up to you to learn how live with it.

  4. Quote from a conversation with Michael last week: "Sweetie, I know it's an issue, and I appreciate your concern, but I'll take care of it in my own time, and I don't want to talk about it any more."

    You may or may not want to include my special combo of gritted teeth plus eye twitch when delivering such a statement.

  5. "I understand you are concerned, but I'm not going to talk about it anymore with you?"

    omg...THAT is GREAT!

    I'm just going to save myself time and energy and tape that statement to my forehead on a 3x5 card. I could use it at least ten times a day.

  6. Or, you could kill two birds with one stone: tell him that if it bothers him so much, then he should take care of it.

    I've always thought that nagging is the best way to make sure something NEVER gets done.

  7. I like Clio's idea: if it bothers him so much more than it bothers you, then he should deal with it.

    OTOH, you have to be aware that this approach carries the risk that he'll then show up one day with a bunch of tools, try to fix the problem himself, and totally ruin what's left of your plumbing. He will, naturally, refuse to accept responsibility, leaving you to find a plumber who can make an emergency visit at much greater expense.

    The easiest way out of this for you is to email all of the neighbors you're friendly with and ask them for plumber recommendations. (And, as a personal favor to me, try to get one who's cute and shows a lot of trouser cleavage. Take pictures and post them here.)