Saturday, December 01, 2007

The Secret Life of Bears

As you may know, I have two very special bears living with me.


This is Buddy:

He was my brother's teddy bear.

This is Buzzy:

He is my teddy bear.

Buddy and Buzzy are good friends.

We've had them for as long as I can remember.
Unfortunately, my parents could not afford to keep two ravenous teddy bears, so they moved in with me a few years ago.

Buzzy is the studious one. He reads all the time.
I think Buzzy may need glasses.

Buddy is very neat. He is always cleaning the room.


Last weekend, I learned a shocking secret.

I was cleaning out my files and found their birth certificates.
"Buddy" and "Buzzy" are only nicknames!
Buzzy's real name is Jesus Christ, and Buddy?
His name is actually Muhammad.

Because what I'm about to disclose next could really tick. them. off.

Muhammad? Jesus?

It's time to come out of the closet.

Yep.
Muhammad and Jesus are gay bears.

Gay bears with no shame, because the let me photograph some rather intimate moments.


Muhammad and Jesus are versatile! Who knew? Not me. That's for sure.

But, y'know, being a gay bear isn't just about teh hot, steamy, sweaty, hairy buttsecks.
It's also about the love.

And, I know that Muhammad and Jesus love each other very very much.

19 comments:

  1. I don't really think there is anything that can actually follow this...

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  2. I can't wait to hear what type of Google searches this post nets.

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  3. That is absolutely one of the most touching posts I've ever read. You are to be commended for raising those bears and for making it so they could stay together.

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  4. That's so sweet.

    And strange. I posted a teddy bear picture today before I started making my blog rounds. Now I feel all copycatty.

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  5. Wow. What a deliciously bizarre way to start my weekend.

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  6. That's so sacreligious in so many different ways. They're adorable! Plus, they have a happy home where they are appreciated. It's a downright joyful story.

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  7. YOU are a fucking GENIUS. I *heart* you so much I think I might cry with the joy of knowing you!

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  8. Instantly I forgot about my frustration with Comcast!

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  9. i love it! i also think the bears are very cute.

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  10. Is there any significance to the fact that Buzzy has clothes but Buddy doesn't? Is it my imagination or does Buddy have a mean expression?
    Those are some pretty explicit pictures of their hot hairy luv. Are they OK with you posting those pix for all the world to oogle? Did you get written permission? You don't want to be accused of sexual harassment.

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  11. copying tomokito [with a minor modification]:
    "Instantly I forgot about my frustration with [my husband]!"

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  12. Hehee! Such cute bears.

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  13. Something in the air, I tell you. 'Tis the season for tipping sacred cows.

    Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go burnish gold leaf on my manuscript illuminations for the Lolcat Bible...

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  14. Vuboq bears all.

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  15. This is one post that I am sure as hell NOT sharing with lil Meerkat!

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  16. This is the cutest story! Very good post!

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