Thursday, February 08, 2007

VUBOQ is Reminded Why He Doesn't Buy Plants Often

A few days ago, I bought a gerber daisy from Whole Foods. They were on sale, only $3.99. And, I felt the need for something pretty in my house.

I placed it on the center of my table. It looked very nice there, a spot of vibrant red amongst the brown and white. PsychoKitty Isabella seemed to like it there too, because she began eating off the leaves.

Yep. She eats plants. I had forgotten that. And then she vomits. More than usual. Oh. Joy.

In an act of preventative maintenance, I have moved the gerber daisy to the top of my refridgerator, where it will live when I'm not at home. I don't think Isabella can jump on top of the fridge. At least, I haven't seen her do it yet. Maybe the deliciousness of Mr. G. Daisy will inspire her to leap to new heights.

In other news, class was interesting-ish. We spent the entire time critiquing the three stories. Hearing everyone's input was good. Crazy lady from last week remains crazy. Quoth her, "I didn't find your first paragraph engaging, so I re-wrote it in a way that I would find engaging."

Um. OK.
Not helpful.
Unless you want your story to engage crazy ladies.

We are reading her story (the one she ripped up in college and has spent years trying to recreate) for next week. I did something very foolish. I have volunteered to read my story aloud in next week's class.

That means I have to a) finish it, b) practice reading it aloud, and c) PANIC LIKE CRAZY!

I think class would be better if we did some writing exercises as well. But, maybe that's not how workshops operate? The class does seem to have more advanced writers than beginners, which may be the reason for the lack of directed writing?

Meanwhile, if anyone has any ideas on how to say "masturbate" in a literary way, please let me know.

Don't forget: Saturday is the First Annual Blogger Chili Blog Off!!! *woot*

So far, I know these fabulicious bloggers are participating:

only me,
and cooper.

It looks like I'll be having about 5 people over to eat chili and play games on Saturday night! Fun! It's a party!


  1. Depending on how your kinks lie, I suppose there could be "p" in refrigerator, but never "d".

    How to say "masturbate" in a literary way? Oh, my dear. Cue Madonna: "I touch myself when I think about you."

  2. I say you call a spade a spade. If it's masturbating you want to write about, then let it all hang out (metaphorically speaking).

    My cat also eats the plants. Aloe, though, doesn't seem to interest him. The worst, though, was trying to have a Peace Lilly. They are poisonous to cats -- he would immediate vomit and then just go right back to trying to eat it. Sometimes I think that cats aren't the brightest of creatures.

  3. I think if you exchange the word masturbate for a phrase like "he pleasured himself", it just sounds a little too precious, and also vaguely Harlequin romance novel (not that I've ever read one). ... just saying.

  4. Okay, this is going to hurt your brain...

  5. I keep my plants at work, for surely they would die by the paws and gnashing teeth of the kitty cats at home.

  6. damn you, i participated already! you saw the photo. you read the story. i could just weep. but instead i'll eat a gallon of breyers coffee ice cream. mmmm, coffee. mmmm, ice cream.

  7. I think the best workshops are the ones where you write, read, then write some more. Prepared readings are good for portions advanced classes, but the best part of a workshop is sititng with a group of people where everyone is writing about Topic X.

    It's a great energy. You come up with things that you probably wouldn't have at home on your own. And if those exercises are read back, it's amazing to see how different everyone's take on Topic X can be.

  8. "Once confined to the privacy of his own quarters he stroked his quill thoughtfully. He pondered ideas until he felt his sword was able to deliver, and then yes, it came at once..."

    You see the metaphore(s) there? The sword being mightier than the quill? And so on and so forth? Well bollocks to you then, I thought it was good...

  9. coaxed his manhood to eruption? Hell, I don't know.

    I won't be making chili. Spouse loathes the chili pepper flavor, sadly for me. Truth be told, I have no idea how to make it.

  10. What's the class description? If it says "workshop," then they assume you already have material and it's not a writing class as much as a re-writing class.