Monday, January 19, 2009

Weekend Update: Revelations Edition

Good Morning, Kittens. Happy MLK, Jr. Day!

I had a very good weekend, despite the frigid weather. Friday, SCGB and I hung out. We were supposed to meet Mike at a bar around 10, but decided it was too cold to leave the building. Instead, we ended up having dinner and playing Apples to Apples with the neighbors.

Saturday, I slept in and, later, had dinner with Mark. It went well. Thank you for asking. Mark mentioned that being blogged about in detail makes him uncomfortable (which, I suppose, is understandable) and requested that I not include him in these little updates. I agreed to that request. So, there you have it.

Sunday, I went to a birthday brunch at another neighbor's ... and ended up staying 'til nearly 5. We started watching football. I know! What up with that? Then, I had a light dinner of leftovers with SCGB, came home, and watched Mamma Mia! And, OMG, my Ears Are Bleeding. Pierce Brosnan? So. Very. Bad. It was painful. Simply painful. Meryl was, of course, fabulicious, though.

Finally, I've had a few ideas bouncing around in my head the past couple of days. One is that there are two things about people that I will probably never understand and am completely unable to relate to:

(1) Having grandparents. Both of my grandfathers died before I was born and my grandmothers both died when I was in junior high school (I think).

(2) Living the majority of one's life in the same town. Given the nature of my father's work, my family moved -on average- every 3 to 4 years ... until I moved out ... and, then, I moved nearly every year until I came to the DC Area (in 1999). Since then, I've only moved 3 times (but, at least, I've stayed in the area!).

This is related to the final revelation I had: My ability to form lasting friendships and what it means. Although the internet has somewhat changed this dynamic, I keep in touch with very few people from previous times in my life ... virtually no one from high school, two people from college, and one person from Japan. I'm not saying that I don't have friends or that I can't make friends. I do and I can. However, when I move to a new town or a new stage in my life, the majority of my friends slip out of my life.

I began to wonder if maybe my purpose (one of my purposes?) is not to make and maintain a large group of friends, but rather to be a conduit through which other people meet. I like to think that I'm pretty good at making connections. If a friend expresses a certain interest or need, I try to think of other friends who have the same interests or can help meet those needs. Once I introduce them, I'm no longer as necessary. And I fade away.

Not that this is a bad thing. It's just how it is.

And, I freely admit that I could be wrong ... maybe I'm simply a lazy ass who can't be bothered to maintain friendships over extended periods of time.

Or, maybe I should spend my time job-hunting, rather than trying to come up with semi-meaningful revelations about my life. That could work too.



  1. Oh Pierce: you made a hot Remmington and a decent Bond, but please do not take up singing!

  2. I also don't really keep up with friends in the super long term. I wonder what that is about (and I was born and raised in the same city until I was 21).

  3. That's similar to how I felt when I discovered the young Marlon Brando singing his little gangsta heart out in Guys and Dolls.
    So you're saying you're a cosmic matchmaker?

  4. The grandparent thing: I am blessed to have had a wonderful relationship with one grandfather and two grandmothers, all of whom lived long enough for me to reach adulthood. (though not too long after) Makes me a bit sad that you didn't have that experience.
    The friend thing: Same here. I keep up with one friend from high school, my soul sister, but even we don't communicate more than a couple of times a year. And now that I've "become gay" it has strained many of my relationships.
    The live in one place thing: Drives me nuts. I've been in this same town for 14 years, and have lived in 5 different homes. I'm itching big time to get out of this town now.
    The Pierce Brosnan thing: OMFingG! Shut up and just stand there looking pretty. Stick with your strengths.

  5. Helen1:23 PM

    Do you know that reason/season/lifetime theory regarding friendships? Perhaps you'll feel less bad about friends fading from your life if you bear this in mind.

    (It comes from Brian A. "Drew" Chalker)

    People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

    When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

    When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

    LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

  6. I vote for lazy ass. :-)

    I tease, of course, 'cause I moved around a lot and have also maintained few friendships. I've gotten back in touch with a few HS and college folks courtesy of FB, but I think people just tend to drift over time. Or at least I do. Oh, and knowing where Java lives, I can totally understand wanting to escape.

    I was 34 before my paternal grandfather passed away. All my other grandparents are still living - my maternal grandfather turns 94 tomorrow.

  7. I have the same thing with friends too; but, then, I'm socially inept wherever I am.

    You are like a one man salon, like in Europe in the 18th century.

    At least Mark is aware that you have a blog and that you write on it and that he is on it. In other words, he cares! (The same cannot be said for other boyfriends we won't mention.)

  8. I'm the same way; there are a lot of people I think about, remember, and care for, but never contact. There are even more that I don't think about.

    I moved annually for the first 14 years of my life.

    I think being a conduit is a perfectly wonderful thing to be.

  9. anne marie in philly6:21 PM

    oh my, where do I start today...

    I understand mark's point of view completely. glad you had a good time!

    I did not do anything as remotely exciting as you did this weekend! (sniff)

    grandparents - my father's parents died whilst I was still a toddler. my mother's parents made me who I am and they lived until the early 1990s.

    I have lived in the philly area all my life, except for the period 1979-1999, when I lived in the dc area.

    friendships - fork anyone from either high school OR college! I don't trust people; I have many buddies, but no real friends. my closest friend died in 2002. I like to look forward, not backward.

    and I like meeting new people; I just don't let them get too close.

    but I like me just the way I am, TYVM!


  10. Friendships require tending. Like a garden. Some of Bossy's friendships are in need of water, but her Greenhouse is full.

    (OK, Bossy, now your metaphors have gone too far.)

  11. I used to maintain friendships for a long, long time. But as I've grown older and weirder, I've found (or made) excuses to not pursue them so vigorously. And consequently, they've fallen off. I like to think that if given the opportunity, they'll resume one day. (But then, I like to think that one day, I'll be retired on the peninsula with a pet yak. So, in other words, I'm not counting on it.)

    Now, I must consult the google to find out what Apples to Apples is.

  12. You ALREADY gave him the power to tell you what you can and can't write about on YOUR blog? Sheesh, that's quite the power you're giving away. Are you allowed to tell your other friends about Mark? If so, I feel slighted.

    I LOVE Apples to Apples. Best. Game. Ever!

  13. I lost both grandfathers before I was born but had my grandmas for most of my adult life. So I can half-relate to your inability to relate.

    And while I didn't move around all that much as a kid, I too do not hold onto large amounts of friends on when my life shifts and I no longer see them on a regular basis. I think the really good ones make it easy for you to keep in touch, and the rest were merely situational.