Friday, December 05, 2008

Dear Whole Foods

Dear Whole Foods,

I tried to understand when you took my two favorite 365 Brand Natural Italian Soda flavors, pink grapefruit and lemon, and packaged them into smaller bottles. You tried to fool savvy consumers by charging $0.20 less, even though -on a per ounce basis- the cost is actually a little bit more.

I feared change was coming when my favorite 365 Brand Frozen Pizza with spinach, tomatoes, and feta disappeared from the shelves. And, lo and behold, change came: A slightly smaller, slightly more expensive 365 Brand Frozen Pizza with spinach, feta, and kalamata olives.

I have sworn off the soda, because, really, I shouldn't drink so much sugary fizzy stuff. I am giving the pizza a chance tonight, but will probably never buy it again.

But, Lord Help Me, if you fuck with my Pleasant Morning Buzz [24 oz. at $9.99], I will fly to Austin, Texas, and shank the fucker who made that decision. Then, I'll start shopping at Trader Joes. Do not doubt me.

Love and *smooches*,

vuboq *hearts* Multimedia message


  1. Given Whole Foods' hostility to the UFW, I largely avoid them whenever possible (plus, they are too expensive).

  2. ROFL. Sorry, I like TJ's and Sunflower better in general.

  3. I love you, Vuboq.

  4. anne marie in philly7:36 PM

    this is also happening at the cheap grocery stores.

    smaller packages for the same price - boooooooooo!

    I am NOT stupid; I see thru their devious ways and do not purchase that product!

  5. Yay! for shanking in Texas

  6. Well if it comes down to a trip to Austin, I know 3 bitches that can join the posse and back you up! But if swankymama drives, she won't let you eat or drink in her car.

  7. Damn VUBOQ, you're way more fearsome than I suspected. I mean, "shank"? I would have never guessed you even knew that word.

    Get down wif yo bad self!

  8. Were those actual curses, or has Bossy had too much wine again? What do you mean, "both"?

  9. I wish we had Whole Foods and especially Trader Joes up here. We have neither, alas.

  10. No way, the bastards!
    I know what it feels like to be treated this way by your supplier.
    It's like my supermarket who is now doing Chicken Korma for cheaper but with NO RICE!
    (Okay, maybe it's very healthy to eat Chicken Korma, but come on, on lunch break, you don't have time to cook a proper one!)

  11. You shank 'em good, baby. Heck, since it's Texas, you shank 'em ALL.