Dear Whole Foods,
I tried to understand when you took my two favorite 365 Brand Natural Italian Soda flavors, pink grapefruit and lemon, and packaged them into smaller bottles. You tried to fool savvy consumers by charging $0.20 less, even though -on a per ounce basis- the cost is actually a little bit more.
I feared change was coming when my favorite 365 Brand Frozen Pizza with spinach, tomatoes, and feta disappeared from the shelves. And, lo and behold, change came: A slightly smaller, slightly more expensive 365 Brand Frozen Pizza with spinach, feta, and kalamata olives.
I have sworn off the soda, because, really, I shouldn't drink so much sugary fizzy stuff. I am giving the pizza a chance tonight, but will probably never buy it again.
But, Lord Help Me, if you fuck with my Pleasant Morning Buzz [24 oz. at $9.99], I will fly to Austin, Texas, and shank the fucker who made that decision. Then, I'll start shopping at Trader Joes. Do not doubt me.
Love and *smooches*,