Wednesday, October 04, 2006

The Uncomfortable Awkwardness

Groceries from Whole Foods: $14.83
Ride-On Bus Home: $1.25
Uncomfortable Dinner with Pseudo-Ex: Priceless

I marinated grape tomatoes and cucumber in a homemade balsamic vinegrette, which used basil from the front yard and parmesan cheese. I tossed them with a bag o' salad.

I made a pasta sauce with diced tomatoes, yellow bell pepper, onion, garlic, grape tomatoes, mushrooms, and Boca crumbles.

Mike arrived as I was mixing in the twistypastabits.

Dinner was served. There wasn't much conversation. He talked about a movie he saw the previous night. I rambled on about my trip. Our words skidded across the surface like water striders.

Meal finished, I showed him where all the cat supplies were located. We sat back down at the table.

"So, how are you feeling about things with us," He asked.
"I'm adjusting," I said.
"Do you want to throw daggers at me? Are you mad at me?"
"I told you the last time that I wasn't mad. There's no reason to be mad at someone for being honest."
"Well, people's feelings change over time."
"True. But I'm not mad. I think I'm more upset than mad."

We babbled on a bit more. I told him I thought it was a mistake for me to get involved with him so soon after John, that I'm not sure if I'm upset about John or him or both or what ... And I need to sort all of that out.

Mike said the biggest thing he is thinking about is why he isn't able to form lasting relationships with men who are "relationship material," why he dates and moves on after only a few months. I asked what he was doing to try to answer that question, and he said he was going to some seminar (Landmark?) to work on it.

The next question was forming on my tongue when he said, "There's the bus!" and ran out the door. I guess it will remain unasked for awhile ... except here: How do you know you want to form a lasting relationship?

How does anyone know?

5 comments:

  1. I don't think I've ever "known" when I was going to form a lasting relationship. I've stumbled into them and watched as the days became weeks, weeks became months and the months became years.

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  2. i'm a big fan of intuition.. i don't think you "know." it basically feels right. all it requires is some brutal honesty with one's self. and i think sometimes, for some reason or the other, people run away from lasting relationships and shut down their intuition. probably what mike is doing (working on his ambivalence) is good for him. but it should have nothing to do with how you feel/ think about a relationship with him.

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  3. To me, that seems like a funny question, because I already know I want to form a lasting relationship... with someone. I know that I can be a devoted SO (I daresay I've proven it) and I think I could potentially be that for a lot of people out there.

    I think the real question for Mike is what's going on in his head that won't allow him to commit.

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  4. "seminar" = orgy. i'll tell him hi for you.

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  5. When you find the answer, tell me.

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