So. Bored. So. Dying.

Need coffee ...
Yes! Yawn Valdez! My HERO!

With apologies to the family of Juan Valdez ...

*heh* Pervy Monkey *heh*

I am concerned, because, well, it may be going right through my neighborhood and ... gosh ... we just don't want those kind around. Won't anyone think of the children?

Of course, I had no idea that counties could be bi. Or gay, for that matter. Straight counties, on the other hand, I've seen a few in my day. Unfortunately, they tend to be a bit square.

Could there be a more perfect name for our Bi-Transit Route than the Purple Line?

Separate But Equal

One of the major benefits of maintaining separate residences is, when the boyfriend has to get up at 4AM to drive to Annapolis to work, I get to sleep until 6:30 in my own bed, undisturbed by an early alarm, bouncing demondog, and clomping boyfriend.

Of course, the major drawback is a) no nighttime nookie and b) no morning nookie.

I think an extra 2.5 hours of sleep is worth it though.

Not that there has been (or will ever be) any offer to combine residences. Mostly for the reason that John needs an entire three level house to store all his clothes and crap. The man has one closet full of jeans. only. [I am *so* tempted to take a picture to prove it.] AND, in the guest room he had to buy 4 (FOUR!) wardrobes for the rest of his clothes. So, no room for me, my clothes, and/or my furniture there.

OK. "Mostly for the reason" is misleading. I think the main reason is that I like having *my* own place. I like the feeling of independence, that I don't need to rely on anyone. Roof over my head. Food in my belly. Clothes on my back. I am self-sufficient. Hear me roar. *rowr*

Blah blah blah...

So, last night, he drives me to the Giant so I can buy food (see? self-sufficiency at work). Normally, I'd go to the Whole Foods on my way home, but there was the slim possibility that I would need to go to his house to take care of the puppy. So, he agreed to take me to Giant. He also brought over all my laundry (see? another example of self-suffiency: I do my own laundry).

After we finished shopping, and -btw- I think John is the reincarnation of someone who died of hunger during the Great Depression, he drove me home. I cooked (see below) and cleaned (self-sufficiency!) and watched a movie - the one with Reese Witherspoon and Mark Ruffalo. I can't remember what it was called though.

Then, after playing with my pussy for awhile, I went to bed and slept soundly (except for a few moments when PsychoKitty decided to attack my feet) until 6:30. Yay!

Tonight, we're supposed to see The Da Vinci Code. And, then, we're going to drink mojitos and have lots of sex. Yay!

Ignore the Man Behind the Curtain

and the dirty dishes in the sink.

I felt a little guilty about having such a pathetic Meat-Free Monday picture, so here's a treat:

Meat-Free Tuesday!

Fire and Ice Tomato Salad. Yum.

Slice one tomato.
Peel, de-seed, and slice one cucumber.
Thinly slice half of one red onion.
Place in dish.

Dressing:
1/2 cup olive oil, 3-4 tbsps red wine vinegar, one clove garlic, one jalapeno pepper (de-seeded, if you wish), 1 tsp salt, pepper to taste.
Blend in food processor.
Pour dressing over sliced veggies.
Cover and chill.

Eat. Say "YUM!"

AND, it's even better the next day! Mmm. Mmm.

If you're wondering about the beverage, it's my own concoction:

A Strawberry limoncellotini!

Put juice of one lemon and 2-3 oz of homemade strawberry limoncello over ice in a shaker.

SHAKE IT! SHAKE IT! SHAKE IT like you've got Parkinson's Disease!
Strain into chilled martini glass.
Drink. Say "YUM!"

I Walked Outside and Almost Evaporated

Spontaneous Evaporation.
The Silent Killer.
The Ugly Third Cousin to Spontaneous Combustion.

it's hot. hot hot hot hot hot hot hot.
hot.

So, I bought popsicles for my staff. Mmm. frozen icy goodness.

*yawn*

And, um, there have not been enough comments telling me how fabulicious the back panel of my sweater is. Get to it, people!

Oops. I Did It Again.

Leave it to someone else to remind me that I forgot Meat-Free Monday: Holiday Edition. GAH!

Of course, I ate meat-free (veggie burgers), but forgot to take a picture. This will have to do:

As it would happen, I also ate meat - a big hunky piece of hot chocolate chicken. YUM. Yes, John's flight finally left Chicago and landed in DC around 9:30. I ordered some Chinese take-out for him (5 hours on a plane with no food = very hungry John). He got home around 10, ate, showered, and we went to "bed."

And, boy, am I tired.

Meanwhile, everyone scroll down and look at the back panel of my sweater. Tell me how wonderful it is. I need the positive reinforcement, otherwise I may never get up the energy to cast on the 100+ stitches for the front panel.

*meat-free smooches*

More later ...

PS. I've added Double Take to my list of Blogoliciousness. Enjoy!

PPS. The horror! Starbucks has reduced the size of its apple fritter from humongoloid to teeny. It's still the same price. Color me disappointed.

Stupid Midwest

VUBOQ is now hating all that is flat and boring and in the middle of the US (except for Iowa, Home of the Most Marvelous Mush).

Stupid thunderstorms have delayed John's flight in Chicago. He should be here NOW. Instead, he is sitting on the tarmac awaiting take-off. I told him to go tell the pilot that they have special cargo and should be given priority.

I gotsta get my luvin'.

Anyway, while waiting, I finally finished the back panel of my ribbed sweater. Unlike PeskyMac, who can finish a sweater in a day and a half, it only took me FOUR MONTHS. At this blistering pace, my first sweater *should* be finished by the time cold weather approaches.

Check it out:

Twenty-seven inches of delicious ribbed goodness.

*heh*

Pervy Monkeys!

Twelve Hours

In almost exactly twelve hours, John will land at DC National Airport. It will take him about 45 minutes to get back here, I think. And, joyous reunion butt sex will be had by all. Or at least me and him.

Yay.

To while away the hours today, I'm meeting a friend for brunch in DC. Then, I have to go take care of my kitty. I'll spend the rest of the afternoon tidying up the house. And I might take a nap.

I didn't sleep well last night. The upstairs was too hot and I couldn't figure out how to turn on the a/c. So, I ended up sleeping on the sofa in the living room. Not comfortable.

Yes, a nap will definitely be on the agenda. Naps so rock.

*smooches*

Weekend Update: Too Much to Drink Edition

After I left work on Friday (a few minutese early), I bought Kelly's bridal shower presents at Homo Rule. Then, I met Diablo at Halo to celebrate his last day of work. We walked in, and who did we see? Diablo's very tall friend, J.! I ordered our drinks - margarita for D and I tried the cucumber ginger martini (without the sugar). The bartender took the cukes, some ginger, and some mint, muddled it, mixed it with vodka and strained. It tasted like a mint martini with a hint of cuke and no ginger flavor whatsoever. Quite vomitous.

So, for my free drink, I asked Diablo to tell them to leave out the sugar and the mint! That was better. But, it still didn't have much gingeryness. I probably won't order that again.

Then, we went to dinner at Cafe Saint Ex on 14th St. Billy joined us there. I had the BLT without the B. It was yummy - fried green tomatoes and some sort of interesting mayo. Plus, sweet potato fries on the side. MMM mmm good.

I staggered home and woke up tres hungover.

Which didn't stop me from meeting everyone (Diable, Billy, TK, J, Tomoko, and Eric from Baltimore) at Alero in Cleveland Park for Saturday Afternoon Margaritas. The weather was beautiful - blue skies, fluffy white clouds, warm-bordering-on-hot sunshine. Four pitchers later, we decide to continue the evening at -you guessed it!- Halo.

This time I steered clear of the cucumber gingertini and Eric and I both ordered the watermelon margarita. It was YUMMY. It tasted just like a watermelon Jolly Rancher. Very refreshing. and boozy!

Eric and I left pretty early, around 9. I was getting tired and the booze was catching up to me. I'll need to call Diablo in a bit to see how the rest of the evening played out.

Today is the bridal shower. It's a good thing I called Christal yesterday, because I was thinking the shower starts at 6. Ha. No. It ends at 6. It starts at 3:30. I would have been a little late.

No other plans for the day though. I think I'm going to get my coffee and eat breakfast out on the deck this morning.

All By Myself

All by myseeeee-eeeellllfff...

I let the rest of the staff leave early for the holiday. I'm alone. Until 5.
*sigh*

Someone needs to entertain me.

Stupid People

I received the following email:

I noticed that the following chemicals appear on the Inventory with "XU" flag. But I would like to get confirmation from you on their "XU" status before say they are exempt from IUR. Thank you in advance for confirming them. [chemical names redacted]

I responded:

In order to confirm that certain chemicals are exempt from IUR reporting, you will need to consult the Code of Federal Regulations (40 CFR 710). If you do not have a copy of the Code of Federal Regulations, you may access it online at http://www.epa.gov/docs/epacfr40/chapt-I.info/.

I get this back:

your answer is useless. How can you get confirmation from 40 CFR710 for individual substances?

I am tempted to respond:

Your response is stupid. You read the regulations and determine if your chemicals fall within the exemption categories listed within the regulatory text. How hard is that?

I'll work on something less offensive later. Now? I'm off to lunch.

Owie. Owie. Owie.

My back hurts this morning. And not for the normal I was supporting a 220 lb man for hours last night good reason. I must have slept weirdly or something. Or my wonderful family bad back genes are finally starting to kick in (Dad has bad back, brother has bad back, Uncle (Dad's brother) had back surgery, Cousin (on Dad's side) bent over to move a planter one morning and passed out from the pain of throwing out her back).

I really should start doing that yoga DVD Robert let me borrow. Will it do any good though?

Not much on the agenda today. I have to answer a few work email. I'll probably let my staff leave around 3/3:30, since it's a holiday weekend and will more than likely be deathly slow. I'm meeting Robert, and maybe others, at Halo for Happy Hour after work. On the way, I need to stop by Homo Rule to buy the bridal shower presents. I'm also going to a house-warming next week, so I may get them the same things. I mean, really, who doesn't like brightly colored kitchen utensils?

Freaks of nature, that's who!

I've decided not to check on the PsychoKitty today. I left her enough food for two days, so she should be fine. I'll drive over first thing tomorrow morning. Sometimes, Happy Hours should trump pet-owning responsibilities, don't you think? Or am I being a bad cat-owner?

Of course, I'm also leaving the dog outside until I get back from the Happy Hour. He should be fine too. There's a little storage room that John leaves open that Oscar can go in. Plus, he has plenty of water and toys. He should be fine.

PsychoKitty. fine. DemonDog Puppy from Hell. fine.

It's all good.

So ... um ...

Should I wear my hair in a ponytail?
Should I dress myself up in chanel?
Do I measure me by what you think?

hm. maybe.

The Plans, They Are a-Changin'

Sitting here at work, it slowly began to dawn on me that I really don't want to drive out to Target this evening. So, I ran over to Marshall's during my break to see if they had any fun shoes.

They had these, which I believe will match my funky new $3 pants. A new shirt is not entirely necessary. I can throw on a black t-shirt and all will be well. So, my happy hour look is complete without the trip to Targe. YAY.

Now, I can walk to my place, feed the kitty, metro over to John's, eat dinner, and knit ALL NIGHT! YAY. Life. Good.

What Else Would You Expect?

I took this little quiz on Diablo's blog and


How evil are you?

I am VUBOQ. Hear me roar.

Veni, Vidi, Knitti

Not much to relate from last night. I went home and fed my cat. Then, I drove over to John's. I watched lots and lots of CSI and knitted. I'm still about 12 rows shy of finishing the back of my sweater. GAH! It's taking me for-ever.

Tonight, I'm driving to Target, not to buy a wedding present, but to buy some fun new clothes for happy hour tomorrow night. If you remember, while my parents were visiting, I found a fun pair of pants for less than $3 at Kohl's. Now, I need to find some shoes and a shirt to wear with them. I think Target's Mossimo line should have something.

As for the wedding (bridal shower, whatever, I'm not buying 2 presents) present, I decided to buy her (and her husband-to-be) ...

Colorful Spatulas!!!

and Potholders!!!

How can they not LOVE these?!?!?!

I think I can buy them at Homo Rule on 14th St.

Love and Marriage

I'm going to a Bridal Shower on Sunday. I called up the Sister of the Bride the other day to find out where the happy couple had registered.

"Target; Bed, Bath, and Beyond; and Crate and Barrel," she said.

In the course of the conversation, she also said something along the lines of "They already have everything they need, but the Bride has decided she wants all new things."

*cough*
*sputter*
*gag*

The more I think about it, the more upset I get. When did weddings become a festival of greed, rather than a celebration of love? And why do I feel obligated to get them something anyway?

I would think that, historically, the whole wedding gift-giving thing arose because the sweet young couples didn't own anything. Now, people with well-stocked houses are getting married, but they still want gifts. Lots of gifts. Spatulas! Toaster ovens! 800 count Egyptian cotton queen size sheets!

Maybe I'm bitter (maybe?) because I know I'll never get married and be showered with gifts. Or maybe I'm cheap and hate spending money on gifts that I know people don't need.

Or maybe this whole wedding thing is out of control.

Living on Borrowed Drama

Yesterday, I received an evite to a Memorial Day Mamba! I'm not quite sure what that means, but it will involve lots of drinking and debauchery. The Mamba is being planned by my former co-worker, A, and her idiot boyfriend, Corona, and it is a train-wreck in the making.

A's brother and Corona are housemates. Actually, A and Corona used to be housemates, but A was dating someone else at the time. They broke up, A moved out, and A and Corona started dating.

Because Corona and Brother are housemates, A has to keep the relationship a secret. The Brother automatically hates every guy A dates. [He's a little fucked in the head, Brother is]. So, if he ever found out that A and Corona were fucking, he'd go ballistic.

The party description says that while the cat's away, the mice will play ... meaning, Brother is out of town for the night. Of course, my overactive imagination has created a scenario in which Brother changes his plans and returns while the party is in full-swing. He sees A and Corona together and goes bat-shit crazy.

I'm tempted to go to the party just to see that happen.

However, I will probably not attend, simply because being around a bunch of intoxicated 20-somethings is rather tiresome.

I am *such* an old fogey.

In the meantime, my life plods along at its incredibly dull pace. Last night, I drank beer and made frozen pizza. Tonight, I think I'm going to knit and watch movies. I am so close to finishing the back of my sweater. I have 20 or so more rows to go. Then, I get to start on the front. Then, the sleeves. Then, I have to do the neck. Then, I have to sew the whole damn thing together. It may never be finished.

It's the neverending sweater.

Suddenly, I'm wondering if I should try to get a Ph.D.

On Routes. Enroute.

Because my planned happy hour with Jerry has been postponed until next week, I'll be spending another lovely evening alone at John's.

I'm trying to decide the best way to organize what I have to do after work: feed the cat, check Christal's mail, and go to John's.

Option 1: Walk home, feed the cat, walk to the metro, get off at Takoma Park, walk to Christal's, walk back to the metro, and finally walk to John's.

Option 2: Walk to the metro, walk to John's, eat dinner, wait until rush hour subsides drive to my house, feed the cat, drive to Christal's, and drive back to John's.

Option 3: Walk home, feed the cat, walk to the metro, get off at Fort Totten, walk to John's, eat dinner, wait until rush hour ends, drive to Christal's, and then drive back to John's.

None of these options sound overly appealing. I will probably end up choosing Option 3 and not even going to Christal's until tomorrow.

The thing is that I hate having to go out after I'm all comfy and settled at "home." bleah.

**Update** I have found an Option 4: Walk home, feed the cat, walk to the metro, get off at Fort Totten, walk to John's, stay here, in the morning, drive to Christal's, drive to my house, park the car, walk to work, work, walk home, feed the cat, and drive back to John's. Easy Breezy CoverGirl! AND, I don't have to pay for parking at the garage. GENIUS!

worship me. now.

WTF, CSI-Miami?

CSI-Miami's season finale was last night, and -for some god forsaken reason- I actually stayed up to watch it. Although it was satisfying to see the evil DA get her just desserts, I was left thinking "WTF?"

Brazil? You're going to Brazil? WTF.

Of course, on the bright side, maybe Adam Rodriguez will sport a thong on the beach.

Poo Status: So Far. So Good.

A few random thoughts:

1. *meat-free smooches* to Mush and Persian Guy for sharing their meat-free Monday meals with us yesterday.

2. I'm eating your favorite potato chips, Billy.

3. Although some people may disagree, living in the DC Metro area without owning a car *is* currently a viable option. You don't need to wait 10 years. Exhibit A: Me. I've lived in the DC/Metro Area since 1999 and have not owned a car during that time. So there. *neener neener neener*

Meanwhile, back on the ranch ... John is still gone. I'm still here. The dog is still crazy. The cat still gives forth the Vomit of Joy.

Oh. And I need to find a good dentist in or near Silver Spring. Does anyone know one?

Meat-Free Monday: Creative Use of Leftovers Edition

Alternate Title: Meat-Free Monday: Explosive Poo Edition

I cooked up some Thai Jasmine rice and stir-fried my *very* spicy leftover Mandalay tofu with some spinach. And, the above was the delicious result. I'm a little afraid of what tomorrow will bring however.

Is spicy explosive poo in my future? Only my bowels know for sure.

The drink? It's half club soda and half homemade (by me!) strawberry limoncello over crushed ice. Totally delish!

Also, several people have left comments wondering if their meals "count" for Meat-Free Monday! As arbitor of all that is Meat-Free and Monday, I hereby declare that if you consider it "a meal" and it contained "no meat," then it was Meat-Free and you shall receive many meat-free smooches from yours truly.

I'm Bored. Therefore, I Blog.

I shouldn't be bored, but I'm in Work Avoidance Mode. I have three tasks which must be completed this week:

1. Weekly Report -due tomorrow. mostly completed. if you take "mostly" to mean "nowhere near."

2. Health Insurance Re-Enrollment -due on Friday. not even started.

3. Evil Employee Self-Evaluation -due on Friday. bleah.

Meanwhile, I've been IM'ing and thinking about what to fix for Meat-Free Monday! I have some leftover tofu from Friday's trip to Mandalay. I've been toying with the idea of using that and some spinach and stuff and doing a little stir-fry. Hopefully, the tofu is still good.

More later ...

**Update** In re-reading this post, I've realized that #3 could read like the Self-Evaluation form is only for Evil Employees. However, it is an all-inclusive Self-Evaluation. The Good Ones have to do it too.

I Actually Have Work to Do

... and it's kinda sucky.

With my boss on vacation this week, I have to crank out the weekly report. On the one hand, it's fairly easy to do and not due until afternoon tomorrow. On the other hand, I haven't done it for awhile, so remembering how to get the correct statistics is a little tricky. If all goes according to plan, I should be finished on time.

Of course, I've stopped working on it today. I did all the graphs and I'm exhausted.

Meanwhile, it's Meat-Free Monday! Enjoy a meat-free meal and tell us all about it by posting a photo on your blog and/or comment here! Many meat-free smooches will be given to participants!

*smooch*

At Last, Good-bye

The parental units left this morning around 6:15. *audible sigh of relief*
Here's my rundown of the weekend ...

They arrived Friday around 3:30. I left work early and met them at the Whole Foods. We picked up some groceries and drove to my apartment. They haven't seen my new place yet and, even though it is exactly the same as my old place (except the floor plan is reversed and it has hardwood floors and I actually own it rather than rent it), they were excited ... opening all the doors and such. Fortunately, I had hidden the likker [and gay-identifying items] well.

Around 5:30, we went to dinner at Mandalay, the Burmese restaurant in Silver Spring. YUM! My parents are not adventurous eaters so it's always a challenge to get them to try new things, but they seemed to like the ginger salad and their mild chicken and vegetables in brown sauce. I had the super spicy Mandalay tofu. Mmmmm ... After dinner, we walked around "downtown" Silver Spring for a bit. Then, we went back to my place - Mom cleaned. Dad and I watched a DVD (Harry Potter II).

Also, my friend and former housemate, Alison, called. I had forgotten that she was coming into town for the weekend. We made tentative plans to meet on Saturday evening.

Saturday, the parents and I drove out to PetSmart, Target and Kohls. At Kohls, I found this really fun pair of "going out" pants. They were on the sale rack, marked down from $40 to $23. However, when the woman rang them up, they were $2.50. SWEET! At PetSmart, I bought the gigantobag of cat food for Isabella. And, at Target, I got all sorts of household supplies, including some fun TV trays and new curtains for the kitchen. Yay for parents buying me things!

That evening, we had dinner at El Golfo (spinach enchiladas - YUM!). We went back to my place, where I locked them in and headed to the metro station to meet Alison. On the way, I stopped off at John's for blowjobs and good-byes. [He left early Sunday morning for a work trip to San Francisco (bastard).] While I was gone, Mom scoured the house clean. Dad watched a DVD.

I met Alison and her boyfriend, Peter, around 9 at Cleveland Park, which is near where we used to live. They had dinner on Alero's patio, whilst I drank margaritas. Yum. Then, we walked down to Aroma for drinks. I forget sometimes how cheap that bar is - called martinis were only $6 or so. The conversation and reminiscing was fun. I hope they email me some of the pictures they took, because I forgot my camera. Around 1AM, I looked at my watch and realized "fuck! it's 1 AM. I need to get home."

After a long metro ride, I got in around 2 and was in bed by 2:30.

Unfortunately, the parents started KLOMPING around the apartment at about 7. *urgh* I somehow managed to stay horizontal until 8:30, butafter that there was no hope. So, I got up and made a pot of STRONG coffee. We (OK, I) blobbed around the house until nearly noon. Then, we went to the metro station and into DC.

First stop: NMAI. I don't really like it all that much. The space/building is absolutely stunning, but it is not optimumly used, and the beautiful artifacts are poorly presented.

Then, we wandered over to the National Gallery of Art [East Wing] to see the Charles Sheeler exhibit. It was fab. Of course, I may be biased since I wrote a paper on Charles Sheeler in high school. The fascinating thing for me was to watch the evolution of his painting from precisionism to cubism and to see how his photography influenced his paintings. We also wandered around the "small French paintings" permanent exhibit. Alas, not all the paintings were "small." Some seemed "medium." I felt misled.

We had had an early (and light) lunch, so by 3:30 we were all hungry. We walked up to Jaleo for an early dinner. OMFGWTFBBQ!!!11one. I *so* love Jaleo. The food is always amazing. YUM!

After dinner, we metro'ed home. I got off at Fort Totten so I could feed the pooch and spend some quality time with him. The folks went directly home. I drove John's car back to my house around 7. We played Yahtzee and went to bed early (9ish). So tired.

This morning, I got up at 5:15. We all left the house around 6:15. I drove over to John's to "do" the dog. The folks left, so they would miss some of the morning rush hour. Even though I left John's at the regular time (around 7:30), I got to work really early. There was hardly any traffic at all. Wonder why?

So, all in all, a good visit/weekend.

My friend, Christal, seems to think my parents know I'm gay. I'm not so sure. They spend an awful lot of time talking about marriage and grandchildren [and why I don't go to church. *bleah*]. The opportunity presented itself to come out to them several times, but I didn't/couldn't. I'm not sure why ... I don't think I'm afraid of disappointing them. Maybe I am. I think, mainly, I don't want to deal with the aftermath. It will be messy, and I'm inherently lazy and enjoy the status quo.

T-Minus 2 Hours

The parental units will be here around 3 or 3:30. I'm ditching work then, too. [Yay for leaving work early!]

I won't have internet access this weekend, so have fun everyone and blog with you on Monday!

PS. And drink a martini or seven for me.

*smooches*

WTF, CSI?

At first, I was all creeped out about the hinted at Gil Grisson/Sara Sidle May/ December romance at the end of last night's CSI.

However, now that I think about it, it works perfectly, pairing together the two least attractive members (excluding Brass) of the CSI team and leaves the rest for me!!! *bwahahahaha*

Hunky Nick, Geeky Greg, Brooding Warrick, and -yes, even you- Sexy Catherine, you're MINE. ALL MINE!

YAY!

The Concept of Lines

As I was standing in line waiting to order my egg and cheese biscuit and large coffee ($2.82) at the local Chik-fil-a, a large man walked in. He stood behind me for a moment. Then, as soon as the next cash register opened up, he walked past me and started to give his order.

I said, "Excuse me, sir, but I was next in line."

He slowly turned, glared at me, and continued to give his order.

Uh? What? The only thing I can think of is, because no one is *that* rude (right?), he doesn't speak English. He must be some foreign worker who doesn't understand the rules and niceties that govern our society.

So, I let it slide.

Well, that and he was like 8 feet tall and 300 pounds. He obviously needed his chicken biscuit more urgently than I.

In other news, the parental units arrive this afternoon. Oh, joy! The house is reasonably presentable. At least it was when I left it last night. More than likely Isabella has left a little Vomit of Joy somewhere conspicuous.

Also, last night, I stopped by Christal's house to check her mail and water her plants. After I set the alarm, I got into my car and noticed a couple of things I meant to leave for her. I went back into the house and punched in the security code.

D'oh! I used John's security code! AAAH!

Panic! I tried to enter in Christal's code. The little beeper kept beeping.
I tried again. Still beeping ...

3 ... 2 ... 1 ...

*VERY LOUD BLARING SIREN!!!!*

AUGH!

Unfortunately, I left all her security passwords at home. GAH!

Stupid thing wouldn't turn off. The phone rings. It's the security people, but we get disconnected [or he hangs up].

Finally, the siren stops. Christal calls. We get it all sorted out, and I go on my merry (mary?) way to John's.

At John's, we ate dinner and watched the series finale of Will and Grace (boring and not all that funny). We watched a little more TV, then went to bed to have lots of butt sex (yay!). *sigh* There won't be any more butt sex for awhile ... I can't remember when he gets back from San Francisco. I think it's a week from Sunday. In the meantime, thank god for free internet porn :-)

*smooches*

Weekend Happenings

I drove John's truck to work this morning so I can haul all my laundry and my recently returned from Diablo and very heavy inflatable mattress back to my apartment. My parents are visiting this weekend, and I need to do some light pre-visit cleaning - dusting, vaccuuming, cleaning the bathroom, making the place look like someone lives in it ...

I never bother putting too much effort into cleaning because my mother usually takes one look at my home and whips out her pocket supply of cleaning goods [Go! Go! Gadget Duster]. Don't be surprised if I blog on Monday about her dusting my lightbulbs.

Tonight will be the last night I "see" John until after Memorial Day, what with my parents here and then him travelling for work all next week. bleah. Dog-sitting. I still haven't quite figured out how I'm going to do the whole dog thing on Sunday/Monday, since John leaves Sunday afternoon and my parents don't go until Monday morning. I'll think of something.

Anyway, the important things for me to decide today and tomorrow are where to take my parents sightseeing (probably not here) and where to take them to dinner.

Food first ...

I'm thinking Friday night we can eat in Silver Spring at either Mandalay (mmm ... burmese food) or El Golfo (mmm ... spinach enchiladas). When we go into DC, I thought we could either eat at my favorite, Jaleo (Spanish tapas), or Zaytinya (Middle Eastern mezze). I might cook one night, depending on how I feel and where we are.

As for our Day in DC outing ... We will probably spend the time on the Mall. They haven't been to the "new" National Museum of the American Indian (which has a lovely cafeteria, btw). They might also enjoy the Hokusai exhibit at the Sackler Gallery (where I used to work in the gift shop).

Hmm ... except that exhibit closed on May 14th. How disappointing. The Freer/Sackler Galleries still have some interesting exhibits going on though.

Personally, I wouldn't mind seeing the Charles Sheeler exhibit at the National Gallery of Art, since I did a high school English term paper on him. Or maybe the Grant Wood exhibit (scroll down) at the Renwick.

They also mentioned seeing the "new" National World War II memorial. That seems like a lot of walking ... especially if we're at the other end of the Mall, "enjoying" the NMAI.

This itenerary (for lack of a better word) also seems kinda museum heavy. Does anyone have any other suggestions? I think I'd prefer to sit on a Mexican restaurants patio all afternoon drinking margaritas, but I doubt the non-drinking parental units would approve.

What about hitting the shops on the U St. Corridor?

GAH.

total linkaliciousness, huh?

Long Time Coming

I *finally* posted a review (albeit probably not very good) of Lost Mountain by Erik Reece over on Envirowonk. Check it out if you get a chance. Having never written a book review before, I'd love some critical pointers.

Even though I am aware that environmentalism and anti-war activism spring from a common source, one surprising point that has stayed with me from the book, which I did not include in my review, is how the author worked in a (not so) subtle anti-war message.

In the late 1960s, Robert Kennedy made a tour of eastern Kentucky. In 2004, a community art project, recreated that tour, relying on people's recollections to fill in gaps in speeches and dialogue. In one scene, the author recounts the reenactment of RFK's visit to Alice Lloyd College:

"How many people think we should begin our withdrawal from Vietnam?" Kennedy asked. All hands, save one, rose into the air.

"The policies of escalation in Vietnam have not consolidated our strengthened international resolve to resist aggression," he began. "What it's done is weakened other people's faith in our wisdom and our purpose." Spontaneous applause erupted. One began to sense that the students were not only watching a production, but beginning to consider Kennedy's words as relevant counsel in 2004.

Brings to mind the old adage about those who fail to learn history are condemned to repeat it.

The Dingo Ate My Baby!

That is all.

Crankiness is an Asset

I awoke slightly cranky this morning. Perhaps, this was because John had to get up around 4 to leave for his training in Southern Maryland or Western Virginia or somewhere ... that man could not be quiet if he were made entirely of fluffy white cotton and lived in a velvet-lined box.

Of course, Oscar, the happy face-licky DemonDog Puppy from Hell, who was also awake at 4AM, didn't help.

John left around 6. I had a lie-in until 6:30. I don't know why I was so tired this morning. It could have been because of all the sex yesterday. *rowr* Nothing like celebrating the One Year Anniversary of Our First Date with style ... and lots and lots of ass-pounding.

I can't wait to see how we celebrate the One Year Anniversary of the Day After Our First Date.

*heh*

The point of this being that, when I finally crawled out of bed, showered, and schleped to work, I was a little cranky. Fortunately, after I bought my venti coffee and apple fritter (aka the Doom of Mankind), I rounded the corner to my office, and what did my wondering eyes behold?

Two bus loads of high school seniors taking up the entire sidewalk in front of my office.

"Yay," I thought, smiling to myself. "It's clobberin' time."

I ran the gauntlet of annoyingly fashion impaired Mid-Westerners, loudly saying, "Excuse me," and -accidentally- *cough* bumping into as many of them as I could.

OK. I'll admit it: Groping the obviously gay one wasn't an accident.

Haaaah. I felt much better. Nothing like -accidentally- roughing up some high school tourists to make the day seem brighter :-)

And, a co-worker just brought in doughnuts. Life. Good.

Brilliant Entry Postponed

I was all set to blather on endlessly about immigration, but -thanks to Pesky Apostrophe- I'll be spending the rest of my day figuring out how to download and print the Durex Dickorations cowboy outfit ... without getting fired. There must be some way to enlarge the picture. Hm ....

Fun times.

An Important Day in the Life

First of all, big big BIG *Meat-Free Monday Smooches* to those of you who eschewed meat for one meal yesterday [and left a comment letting me know]. You (yes, you, fullofhype, dillon, diablo, and only me) made a teeny tiny drop in the very large bucket to help improve our world!

Second of all, yesterday, this:



After 6 days in a cool dark place, became this:



Strawberry Limoncello! It's a little sweet, but still yummy! I think it will make a refreshing summer drink, perhaps mixed with club soda.

The start of the recipe is here. Then ...

1. After 6 days, strain out the strawberries and lemon zest.
2. Discard the strawberries and zest.
3. Make a simple syrup. I used 2 cups of sugar dissolved in 750 mL of filtered water (use the empty likker bottle to measure the water).
4. Once the syrup has cooled to room temperature, add it to the filtered likker.
5. Sample a bit over ice and enjoy!

Word to the Wise: If you try storing it in the freezer, it will become very thick and viscous. I just keep it in a cool dark cabinet.

Third of all, one year ago today, John and I had our first date (and, subsequently, our first kiss ... and second kiss ... and third kiss ... FINE! We made out. *sheesh*).

We met at Dupont Circle and had dinner at Levantes. I had the spinach pie (spanakopita). It was yummy. Then, we walked over to Cobalt on 17th Street for after dinner drinks.

And, the rest, as "they" say, is history.

I had hoped to go back to Levantes tonight, but I forgot that John has out of town training today and tomorrow. He is undecided if he will spend the night there or not. *sigh*

More later, but until then *many happy smooches*

Meat-Free Monday: Cous Cous Salad Edition

I don't think I'm going to feel like cooking tonight, so here's my Meat-Free Monday post. I actually made it last night ... a very easy peasy not cheesy cous cous salad.

Ingredients:

One box instant cous cous (I used Near East something and pine nuts flavor), one can red beans, one can black beans, one cup frozen corn, diced tomato, olive oil, red wine vinegar, assorted spices and stuff.

Directions:

1. Make cous cous per instructions on the box.
2. Drain and rinse the beans.
3. Dice tomato.
4. Thaw corn.
5. Make simple red wine vinegrette dressing (using red wine, olive oil, spices - I like salt, pepper, and fresh garlic, but I didn't have any garlic last night).
6. Once cous cous is cooked, add beans, tomato, corn, and dressing.
7. Mix.
8. Serve on bed of salad greens, if so desired.

It's nice served warm or cold, but I prefer it warm. Also, you can add other fun stuff too, like - I dunno- maybe jalapenos? or roasted red peppers? or peas?

So, who else went (or is going) Meat-Free today?

It's Raining Levis

Hallelujah!

I should've snapped a quick pic with my camera phone this morning, but -by the time I remembered I had a camera phone- I had walked too far past the pair of Levis dangling from the electrical wires stretched across Wayne Avenue.

I wonder if it means the same thing as a pair of shoes.

Yesterday was a me doing a whole lot of nothing ... John crawled into bed around 2:30AM from his sojourn to Wet. I slept miserably - I blame the Stoli Doli hangover in combination with prickly new down-filled mattress cover thing John bought at Hecht's One Day Sale. I tried to sleep in, but Oscar was having none of that. Stupid DemonDog Puppy from Hell.

Fortunately, John makes coffee (and lots of it) every morning! I put together John's TV tray stand, while he cleaned his house. I watched several movies on cable: National Treasure, 13 Going on 30, and Bridget Jones' Diary II. We, then, drove to my house so I could drop off some stuff and change shoes [John is a little embarassed to be seen with me when I am wearing my pink Converse hi-top All Stars.].

Then, we drove over to Friendship Heights for a little shopping. I bought two acryllic plates at World Market and 2 pairs of jeans at Filene's Basement (Guess, $19.99 each, regular price $100). Actually, John paid for one pair. It's the least he could do for all the free dog-sitting (and sex) he is getting. Ha.

Later, he drove me to Whole Foods so I could buy fixin's for dinner. After he dropped me off, I made food and blobbed around the house. I watched a DVD. I played with my pussy. I knitted a bit. I went to bed.

Don't forget: Today is Meat Free Monday! Enjoy a meat-free meal and help save the planet! Post a picture on your blog and receive extra smooches from me! I'll be posting a picture and recipe around noon today. Stay tuned.

*smooch*

I'm Not Sure How I Should Feel About Today

or ... er ... yesterday, since it's after midnight.

It started off brilliantly with friggin' amazing morning sex and cranberry pancakes (both courtesy John).

Around 11 am John dropped me off at my place with an "I'll call you later." I did lots of little things: hung a few pictures, cleaned out a closet, organized my CDs, watched a DVD, drank some plum wine, ate lunch, vacuumed, went roller blading in the park, showered ... blah blah blah ...

Come 6PM, still no call from the John ... so I decided to head into the District. I met up with Diablo and Billy. We went to Titan for a few drinks. John finally called. We talked for a bit but made no plans.

D, B, and I wandered around with B deciding to go home. D and I went to Logan Tavern for a late night snack and more drinks. Lo and Behold, D's date from the previous night, heretofore known as Giganticus, walked by and joined us. I left Giganticus and D to decide what they wanted to do: fuck or go to Blow-Off.

I walked to the Metro station, calling John repeatedly. Finally, when I was at Brookland, he answered ...

Where are you?
Wet.
Why didn't you let me know where you were going?
I didn't want you to leave your friends.
Well, they're gone and I'm going home.
Why don't you go to my place?
OK.
Take a taxi from the station.
OK.

I arrived at the station. I didn't take a taxi.
Now, I'm here. It's a little after 1. I'll brush my teeth and go to bed soon.
John will stagger in later.

I had fun out with D and B ... but I'm a little frustrated with John. gah.

*smooches*

The Email That Will Never Be Sent

My mother sent my brother and me this email today:

Hi favorite sons...

The greatest gift you give me is your love. One of the gifts I would like from each of you is for you to attend church...to begin practicing the teachings we tried to instill in you as you were growing up. The Church is a good place to find love and acceptance...to have a support group and to become closer to our God.

For this Mother's Day the gift I would like is for you to attend a worship service in a church. Of course, packages with bows are always appreciated(sorry, that is the materialisticism in me coming out!) I love you very much...and am so blessed to have you as sons.

Mom

Dear Mom:

The gift you ask for is one I am unable to give. Even the Methodist church, which tends to be quite liberal, your Church, will not accept me as I am*. Fortunately, I have found love and acceptance without the Church. My friends, both here in DC and elsewhere, are my support group, my lifeline.

I don't believe it is necessary to attend church to practice what you taught us. Mike and I live it every day by working hard, being kind to others, and striving to be the best people we can.

For me, living a life I am proud of is more important than participating in organized religion. I am happy with who I have become and the choices I have made. I hope that you and Dad will be too.

Love,
VUBOQ :-)

*Since 1972, the Book of Discipline has declared "homosexual practice" to be "incompatible with Christian teaching." Following the 1972 incompatibility clause other restrictions have been added at subsequent General Conferences. Currently the Book of Discipline prohibits the ordination of "practicing, self-avowed homosexuals," forbids clergy from blessing or presiding over same-sex unions, forbids the use of UMC facilities for same-sex union ceremonies and prohibits the use of Church funds for "gay caucuses" or other groups that "promote the acceptance of homosexuality." (Source: Wikipedia)

I'm having the strangest feeling of de ja vu here. Does anyone from my Enviroboi days at diary-x remember a similar entry? The email message is new, but my response ... it seems very familiar.

Win Some. Lose Some.

Normally, when I walk to work, I walk on the right side of the street. This morning, however, as I started up the hill by the athletic field, hordes of tiny little children were walking down the hill and into the gymnasium.

Assembly? Middle School Orientation? Mass Extermination of Little People?

To avoid having to wade through the teeming mass, I crossed the street, which lead to the following conversation with the crossing guard:

CG: You're usually on the other side of the street, aren't you?
Me: Yes, but I crossed over to avoid all those kids.

And, as sometimes happens when one breaks out of their routine, one happens across a semi-blogworthy topic. In this case, it was a bumper sticker on a minivan parked in front of one of the half million dollar (or more) homes I walked past.

Sligo Creek Elementary: Where Every Student is Honored

I suppose this is one of those "self-esteem building" bumper stickers. Probably the parent of some loser kid who couldn't make the Honor Roll if his teachers did all of his work for him decided to display this on her car in response to the My Child is an Honor Student at We're Smarter Than You Neener Neener Neener Elementary bumper stickers.

The more I thought about it, the more irritated I became. Every student shouldn't be honored. Students who do things deserving of recognition -making good grades, excelling at sports, being positive role models- should be honored. I seriously doubt that every student at Sligo Creek Elementary fits that description.

I think it's the whole "every child is special" philosophy that truly gets under my skin. Every child isn't special. Some of them are quite ordinary. And, the sooner they realize it, the sooner they can start learning to deal with it.

Most people aren't special. Life isn't fair. Bad things happen to good people. Molly-coddling children by teaching them the opposite of that does not help them prepare for a full, balanced, and enriched life.

Perhaps a more fitting bumper sticker would be:

Sligo Creek Elementary: You're Not Special and Neither Am I

Sligo Creek Elementary: Where Every Child is Respected

Because in the end, I think teaching children how to respect themselves and others will get them a lot further in life than teaching them that they are special.

Thoughts on Booze

Recently, I was thinking about the Drinking During Lunch Break Taboo.

Why is it considered by so many to be so wrong? And, why do I feel so guilty if I simply think of ordering a beer or a glass of wine with my lunch? And, why does it feel so decadent when I do? [Not that I did today ... seriously ... I didn't.]

There are some occupations in which drinking during lunch is not the greatest of ideas - bus drivers, for example. However, I don't think it would significantly affect the work performance of most people in the corporate world. And yet, the two martini lunch has gone the way of the dodo.

I think a little alcohol would certainly help me get through my workday.

Speaking of alcohol taboos, I remember during my college days listening to a veteran teacher discussing her experiences. At one point, she said, "And if my husband and I want to have a glass of wine with dinner, we drive to a different city."

I was shocked: What?!? Don't people realize that teachers drink alcohol? [Apparently, in North Carolina, at least, they don't. My students were surprised when they learned that I would a) go to dance clubs, b) drink alcohol, and, on Teacher Workdays in the late Spring, c) wear shorts .]

One day during my student teaching semester, a fellow student teacher and I were commiserating over $0.99 white wine spritzers at the local Applebys. We had ordered our 4th round, when one of my students and his parents walked in.

I quickly pushed all the glasses over to my friend saying, "if he sees us, these are yours." Fortunately, the hostess took them to the other side of the restaurant and my reputation as a sober and serious student teacher remained intact.

Speaking of alcohol [and knitting], does anyone have a knitting pattern for a Bombay Sapphire cozy?

I'll Never Get It Outta My Mind

The chorus of Love Hangover keeps playing over and over and over again in my head.

I'm blaming groggicrankiness and Diablo.

In the meantime, let me share a recipe with you. It's easy peasy and sure to pleasy all your lowbrow co-workers who won't touch anything that looks like it hasn't come out of a can or is outside the scope of their limited food realities (like a delicious cous cous salad).

Necessary Ingredients: 1 (or 2) pkg of frozen chopped broccoli. 1 small can evaporated milk. 1 can of cheddar cheese soup. Stuffing (I like to use cornbread stuffing).

Unnecessary (for some) Ingredients: Sapphire Martini with Garlic-stuffed Olive

Necessary Steps:

In microwave, cook frozen broccoli.
In bowl, mix cheddar cheese soup and evaporated milk.
In pot, make about 2 cups of stuffing according to directions on pkg.

Grease 8x8 (or so) baking dish.
Add broccoli.
Pour soup mixture evenly over broccoli.
Spoon stuffing on top.

Bake at 350 for approx. 30 minutes (maybe less) until stuffing looks crispy-ish.

Unnecessary (for some) Steps: Drink Martini while cooking

Voila! You are done! And possibly a little tipsy!

No Sleep in Mudville

... and not for the reasons we like not getting sleep either.

Someone (who shall remain nameless, but I'll give you a hint: It starts with "J" and rhymes with "Bohn") gave the dog a couple of slices of greasy leftover deep-fried chicken breast.

Now, Someone Else [me] told Someone not to give leftover chicken to the dog because it makes the dog's tummy upset. Did Someone listen to me?

Of course not.

Was the dog up all night pacing back and forth and letting out super-noxious doggie farts?

Of course.

Did Someone have to get up not once, but twice, to let the dog out to do his business?

Yes.

Did Someone Else [me] have to listen to all this pacing and farting and getting up and lying down and yelling at the dog all night?

Yes.

Needless to say, Someone Else is very very very sleepy [and a little crankigrumpy] this morning. I want to go back to bed.

*sigh*

A New VUBOQian Game!

Have I mentioned that I hate my job recently?

No?

The company has switched our performance reviews from end of December to mid-June. The upside is that I'll (hopefully) be getting another "merit increase" in July (YAY!). The downside is that we have been given these stupid Self-Evaluation forms to complete with no guidance other than "it should only take 10 minutes."

Ha.

It will take me more than 10 minutes to finish bitching about these stupid forms.

We have to come up with two career goals to accomplish during the year and how we plan to accomplish them ... we have to explain how we "enhanced teamwork" [well, I didn't shoot any of the idiots at Corporate HQ] ... we have to list our major achievements for the past evaluation period [ditto to the shooting] ... and more! GAH!

I hate stupid corpbabble.

I need some really good stockphrases with which to pepper my evaluation. And, thus, begins a new comment game on VUBOQ:

Using your best corpspeak, create a phrase (or several) that I can use on my self-evaluation. Leave it in my comments below. If I use your phrase on my actual evaluation, you'll get a prize! Oooh! A Prize!

So comment now. Comment often.

Here's one of my own to get you started:

I successfully increased information throughput by integrating internet resources with existing training materials.

[It's not great, but it gives you an idea ...]

Have fun :-)

Likker Making 101

The key to making good likker is drinking good likker.

Here's the start of my strawberry lemon likker:



(nearly) 1 lb of strawberries.
zest of 2 lemons
750 mL of grain alcohol (like Everclear)

Wait one week ...

Stay tuned.

Trapped in a Bubble

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that the MSM has completely ignored my contribution to David Blaine's Episode in a Bubble ...

Thanks to the kind people at Fullofhype and MS Paint, the truth can be told.

In this picture, I am providing moral support to my BubbleBuddy Blaine. [No, we're not about to have sex. That will come (*heh*) after he gets out of the hospital.]


Unfortunately, the pressure was too much for him, so I had to take over.



The things I do for my friends ... and then, he takes all the credit. Of course, he has better marketing and connections, so he gets all the glory.

I don't know if I'll ever get his 7 days of stank out of my fabulously blonde hair.

Bastard.

I'm a Keeper, if Only for My Dog-Sitting Abilities

so said Diablo in a recent IM conversation ...

John is off to San Francisco on the 21st. He'll be gone all week. I'll be dog-sitting. so. excited.

He suggested I join him out there for Memorial Day weekend, but I had planned a SAM Event and I'm going to a bridal shower. I need to decide if I should bail on those events. What would you do? What would you do?

Of course, it would also involve kenneling the pooch ... which would mean taking at least a half day off ... which might not be possible considering my boss will be out that week and we are short-staffed.

GAH. I will probably end up not going.

In other news,

I'll be making my experimental strawberry booze today after work! Yay! Whole Foods didn't have any mint, so I decided to make strawberry lemon booze. Hopefully, it will be delicious (and nutritious!).

Also, according to my research (digging through my Yahoo! inbox) the one year anniversary of our first date is May 16th. We met in Dupont Circle and had dinner at Levantes. Then, we went to Cobalt and ended up making out for awhile [How did *that* happen?]. I wonder if we'll do anything special to mark the occasion?

I'm hungry. My break is in 14 minutes and I can run to Chik-fil-a for an egg and cheese biscuit and a large coffee ($2.82).

*smooches*

Meat-free Monday: Orzo Salad Edition

Today for Meat-free Monday, I made an orzo salad from epicurious.com. I linked to the recipe in a previous entry. It's pretty good, although I think 1 cup of basil is a bit too much. Additionally, the recipe makes LOADS. I'll probably take it into work tomorrow and force my co-workers to eat the rest of it. Ha!

The bread is kalamata olive bread from Whole Foods. YUM!

Thanks to Persian Guy for posting a picture of his meat-free lunch. I hope lots of you also had a meat-free meal today. Leave a comment and/or post a picture on your blog if you did.

*meat-free smooches*

UPDATE: I unfortunately omitted the wonderful person who originally sent me the link to the recipe ... Kristen, YOU ROCK!!! [Now, create a blog so I can link to you ;-)]

GMTA!

I emailed my most fantabulicious cousin (the recently married one) this morning concerning my likker-making dilemma. There were so many eerie coincidences in her email that I had to share ...

excerpts -which is an odd-looking word- from Cousin's email in green. My thoughts in [brackets].

Yeah – my thinking was mint.

[I thought mint, too!]

We’re interviewing a job candidate today – so this is my first time at my computer today.

[I had to interview job candidates today, too!]

I went to a yoga class at lunch today and now I can barely move.

[I borrowed a yoga DVD from Robert and tried it for the first time on Saturday morning! So, I only did like 15 minutes of yoga and then watched the rest of no more of the DVD, but still ... here's the conversation I had with Robert later that same day:

Me: I tried that yoga DVD, but I thought it would start slow with lots of stretching.
Robert: It does.]

I borrowed Noel’s Indian cookbook last night and will grocery shop tomorrow. She’s always cooking really yummy Indian vegetarian stuff – I hope I can too.

[I had yummy Indian vegetarian food on Saturday (and Sunday) AND I went grocery shopping today!]

Married life is pretty much like living-together life except that we have new jewelry for our ring fingers.

[I have a new band-aid on the horrible Target paper cut on my thumb!]

Creepy, huh?

OK. I have to go back to the Whole Foods because I forgot to buy orzo. Then, I need to go to the likker store. Mmmm. likker store.

Shocking Realization!

Kettle Chips Salt and Vinegar flavor tastes a little like vomit.

Now, I have a difficult decision to make. Which Kettle Chips flavor do a dislike the most:

A certain person's favorite Cheddar and Beer or the aforementioned Salt and Vinegar flavor?

Feet versus Vomit. Why is life full of such difficult decisions?

Weekend Update: Shopping and Drinking Edition

First, don't forget: It's Meat-Free Monday!!! Yay!

For those of you who would like to participate, you only have to have one meat-free meal today. Yes, you can still have your bacon, sausage, ham and egg biscuit for breakfast and your greasy fried chicken smothered in gravy for dinner if you have a nice veggie sandwich for lunch. Easy, huh?

Posting a picture of your meat-free meal and leaving a comment on my blog gets you extra *smooches* from me and my tens of thousands of readers.

I thank you. My friends thank you. Cute furry [and feathery] farm animals thank you.

My plans for Meat-Free Monday include making an orzo salad from Epicurious ... I'll dig up the link later. [Found it!]

So, my weekend ...

Friday evening, because John was in Annapolis for work and I was uninspired to go out, I stayed in. I made yummy vegetarian tacos (thanks to Mush for the idea!) and drank tequila (actually, mezcal from Oaxaca -thanks Diablo!). I also watched my new Harry Potter DVDs.

John got home around 9ish, I think. But, a friend of his from work (actually, the training last month) called. The Friend was driving to a wedding in MD and needed a place to crash. Friend doesn't know John is gay, so I guess John had to run around the house erasing evidence of my presence.

John had asked me to keep my Saturday open so we could do "something." Friday night, he said he wanted to go to Old Town Alexandria and would pick me up around noon. I really should be used to this by now, but John picked me up at 3.

We took the convertible, which was nice, did a little shopping, and ended up having dinner at an Indian restaurant. John has this idea that I don't like Indian food, which is not true. I do (even though I find a lot of it to be texturally unappealing). I have explained to him that I like Indian, but it is not one of my favorites. When given a list of food options, Indian food is rarely my first choice. But, I eat it. Every now and then. Like on Saturday. I *heart* nan.

Sunday morning, after fun fun morning sex, I helped John around the house with some stuff, like laundry, while he washed the cars. Later, we drove to Target, where I successfully spent the $100 gift card my parents gave me for my birthday [and then some]. I also got a nasty paper cut and bled all over the place.

I bought a new CD player ... and a punch bowl ... and some fun acryllic plates, which are supposed to look like flowers, but -in actuality- look more like alien-infested amoebas. John bought a trashcan, some TV trays (which I also wanted to buy, but they didn't have the color I wanted in stock), and citronella candles.

Gah! Suddenly I feel so gay.

Anyway, John dropped me off at my place, because the Friend was coming back later that evening. Something about he needed to go into John's office today. I knitted for a bit, watched 13 Conversations about 1 Thing, ate leftover Indian food, and basically blobbed around the house until bed. Bed. Good.

And, there you have it. My weekend. From soup to nuts.

Weirdness

Weirdness #1. Yesterday, I bought the Harry Potter 4 DVD. Later, I discovered it was the icky "full-screen" edition. A sale sticker was covering that crucial information. During my lunch break today, I returned the DVD and purchased both the HP3 and HP4 wide-screen editions.

Here's where it gets weird:

The DVD I bought yesterday was $19.99 (plus tax). I used my Borders VISA reward certificates to pay for it :-)

The DVDs I bought today were $16.99 (HP3) and $22.99 (HP4).

($16.99 + $22.99) - $19.99 = $19.99 (plus tax)

However, I was charged $2.11. As I left the store, I started to think, "Waitaminnit. That's not right."

During my afternoon break (a few minutes ago), I went back to Borders to explain what happened. The Cute Little Cash Register Girl deleted the previous sale and rang everything up again.

The total? $2.11.

It still doesn't make any sense. Maybe something screwy is going on with Borders' cash registers. She was like, "It doesn't look right, but I rang everything up correctly."

Uh. OK.

Weirdness #2. After Weirdness #1, I called John by pressing #2 on my speed dial. I was standing near Georgia Avenue at the time, so it was hard to hear. But, this is a fair representation of the conversation I had:

*ring*
John: Hello
Me: Hey. What are you doing?
John: Doing my bidness.
Me: Doing your "bidness?"
John: Yeah.
[pause]
John: Who is this?
Me: It's Steven.
John: Steven who?
Me: (stunned silence)
John: Hello?
*click*

He hung up on me.

Um. OK? As the "conversation" progressed and the street noise faded, John began to sound not like John. I can only assume that either 1) someone else answered his phone or 2) the signals got crossed somehow.

So, who the hell is answering John's phone? Or what the hell is going on?

I waited for him to call back and be all "Ha ha I had you going there," but he hasn't.

Now, I'm waiting for Weirdness #3. It's been that kind of day.

Update: Phone weirdness has been solved. John lost his phone. "John" was the guy who found it "having fun." WTF ever.

Happy Friday. Joyous Weekend!
*smooches and lap dances*

In Honor of Cinco de Mayo

Here is the tale of my first (but not last) experience with the joys of Tequila ...

*clapping*
Jose Cuervo, you are a friend of mine
I like to drink you with a little salt and lime.

The year was 1988. In those uncertain times, a young man ventured off to college, Elon College to be exact.

Elon was mostly a suitcase college, at least among my friends. On the weekends, Those Who Remained would gather in our dorm rooms to drink away the nights.

One particular night early in the Fall Semester, I ended up with 3 friends, Donna, Meli, and Ashley. Ashley had somehow managed to get herself handcuffed to this random guy, Andrew (I think that was his name).

We were in his room and out came a bottle of tequila ... not the good stuff ... not even the bad stuff. This was tequila in a plastic bottle. A big plastic bottle. There was no salt, no lime. We passed the bottle around taking shots straight from it.

I have no idea how many times the bottle went around the circle, but I was well-lit by the end. We staggered out of Andrew's dorm room and into the main campus courtyard.

"Oh, look! The fountain," said Meli. "Let's get in."

Debate was brief. Soon, we were splashing around where we shouldn't.

Much after that point is a blur, a very big amorphous blur which ends with me waking up in my own bed in someone else's clothes.

Throughout the next day, random people brought me random articles of clothing, saying "You left this in my room last night."

Ah. OK.

The end.

Tipping Point

or I Went to the Chik-fil-a and a music video broke out

The line was long at Chik-fil-a this morning. Apparently, someone had ordered several party platters and the line chefs were in a tizzy. Managers ran around, pouring coffee all over themselves. Workers gave out too much change. The works!

Several people waited patiently for their orders to be filled.

"I need fruit cups," the cute little cash register girl called out.

"Good morning," I said. "I'll have an egg and cheese biscuit and a large coffee, please."

"Your fruit cups will be right out," she responded. Hm. On second thought, that probably wasn't directed towards me.

More people entered. The manager dashed about like a Chik-fil-a with his head cut off. There was a brief moment of silence, and, then ...

Now I've had the time of my life
No, I've never felt like this before
Yes, I swear, it's the truuuuuth ...

Bill Medley's voice wafted above the heads of the hungry masses.

I received my food and walked to the door. That's when I noticed it.

Something big was about to happen.
I could tell.

Toes had started tapping.
Random people were humming and singing along.
Black. White. Male. Female. Young. Old.
[OK, mostly Old. How many young people remember that song?]

I sensed I was at the Cusp of Something Big.
At any moment the Tipping Point would occur, and a music video would break out.
Singing! Dancing! Jazz hands!

A Dirty Dancing Party in the Silver Spring Chik-fil-a!

Before I could be sucked in to the madness, I turned my back and walked to my office.

Right now, I'm sure Patrick Swayze is saying "Nobody puts Cute Little Cash Register Girl in a corner," while everyone else dances their hearts out.

Nuestro Himno

Apparently, there's some sort of controversy involving a Spanish translation of The Star-Spangled Banner. It's not that the translation is a bad one, rather that it shouldn't have been done.

Yeah. Uh. Whatever.

Have you actually read the lyrics to our National Anthem? They ... um ... how can I say this delicately without offending the flag-waving, cross-kissing National Anthem groupies out there?

Hm.

They suck.
They're crap.
They are god-friggin'-awful.
War. Blood. Bombs.
Who wrote this schlock?

Oh. Right. Francis Scott Key.

Take a look. Judge for yourself:

Oh, say can you see by the dawn's early light

What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?

Whose broad stripes and bright stars thru the perilous fight,

O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?

And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air,

Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.

Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave

O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

On the shore, dimly seen through the mists of the deep,

Where the foe's haughty host in dread silence reposes,

What is that which the breeze, o'er the towering steep,

As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?

Now it catches the gleam of the morning's first beam,

In full glory reflected now shines in the stream:

'Tis the star-spangled banner! Oh long may it wave

O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore

That the havoc of war and the battle's confusion,

A home and a country should leave us no more!

Their blood has washed out their foul footsteps' pollution.

No refuge could save the hireling and slave

From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave:

And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave

O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

Oh! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand

Between their loved home and the war's desolation!

Blest with victory and peace, may the heav'n rescued land

Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation.

Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,

And this be our motto: "In God is our trust."

And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave

O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

Personally, I think I'd rather hear this song in another language. I like music in which I can't understand the words. I have this strange attraction to foreign language pop music - French, Italian, Spanish, Japanese, Hindi, Arabic, Indonesian, Chinese ...

When I hear songs in a foreign language, I get to appreciate the music itself and the emotion in the singer's voice without suffering through the typical crapola lyrics.

I wonder if it would be the same with Nuestro Himo?

The Afternoon Smelled Like Dimetapp

On my walk home from work yesterday, I noticed something peculiar: The air had a distinct grape-ish scent, not like actual grapes, but more like the medicine-y purple smell of Dimetapp. I wondered if I could be smelling some sort of flower or pollen that blooms only at this time of year.

A quick google search indicated that kudzu flowers give off a grape-like scent. Having grown up in Western North Carolina, I am well-familiar with the Plant that Ate the South*. I did not see any kudzu plants on my walk home, so I am at a loss as to what I was smelling.

I have read that sometimes certain smells can trigger memories. This one did not, and my thoughts rapidly moved away from grapes and to how I would spend the evening.

Once home, I decided to strap on my rollerblades for a quick jaunt through Sligo Creek Park. It was lovely - warm and sunny with a light breeze. Not until I hit the last leg of my journey did my experience in exercise become unpleasant.

Somewhere along the banks of Sligo Creek and the intersection of Sligo Creek Parkway and Piney Branch Road lives a tree whose pollen does not agree with me. My eyes started to water and itch, and I began to sneeze ... violently. I quickly retraced my steps (er ... skates) and headed home. I had to take out my contacts and wash my face several times.

Then, I made a martini (as a reward for exercising, natch) and hit the shower. At 6:30, I called John. It went straight to voicemail, so I left a message saying I was back from rollerblading and asked him to call me back.

For dinner, I ate the rest of my Chipotle burrito (resistance wasn't futile!) and polished off the last few cookies from Adam. I knitted for a bit. Around 8, I still hadn't heard from John, so I called again. It went straight to voicemail.

I watched Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.

At 9:30, John called. "Are you still rollerblading," he asked accusingly.
"Uh, no. Do you not check your voicemail?"
"I didn't get any voicemail."
"I called twice and left messages both times."
"Well, it doesn't matter. I'll come pick you up now."

45 minutes later, he arrived and said, "You did call. I don't know why the calls didn't come through."

Some responses are best not said aloud, so I held my tongue. We went to bed soon after getting back to his place.

This morning, we had amazing sex.

And, that is all ... except for a few housekeeping announcements:

1. I have added Center of Gravitas and Way Beyond the Pale to my list of Blogoliciousness. Both are very entertaining. Go. Read them.

2. Don't forget: Mother's Day (in the US and Canada) is coming up on May 14th. If you need a gift idea, might I suggest Wolferman's Gourmet? I have sent mom gift baskets from there before, and she really liked them (at least, she said she did). This year she's getting this.

*According to legend, at least what I was told as a child, kudzu was originally imported to the US from China as feed for cattle, because it is high in nutrients. Kudzu seems to like it here, growing up to 3 feet per day and covering hills, trees, buildings in its leafy vine embrace. In the winter you can see its brown skeleton stretched across the countryside.

The Secret is Out

When I saw these photos plastered across the web, I panicked. My first thought was "What if John finds out?" After the initial shock, came acceptance ... and relief.

Our love is finally out in the open. We don't have to sneak around anymore.

And for that, anonymous paparazzi person, I thank you ... from the bottom of my heart. really.







Gratuitous Ricky Martin Moment brought to you by StickSteven and MS Paint.

On the Road to Becoming a Blobstrosity

The Chipotle Burrito eating tradition is as follows:
1. Order ginormous burrito "to go."
2. In restaurant dining room, cut ginormous burrito in half.
3. Eat one half.
4. Wrap other half in remaining foil.
5. Save it for dinner [or lunch the next day].

Recently, however, there have been some startling changes in my metabolism or something. I'm still gol-friggin-darnit hungry after eating only one half. What's happened? Why am I still hungry? I used to be full after eating half. Now, I want to eat the WHOLE THING. All of it. In one gulp.

But, I won't.

I have willpower. I can resist.

I will not eat the other half.
I will not become blobulous.
I will not.

[Stay tuned for "Resistance is Futile" entry.]

No Joy in Mudville

in which I shamelessly steal Mush's use of "in which" as a means to introduce a blog entry and get no nookie

As I was leaving work (yay!) yesterday, I called John to see if I should plan on eating dinner at my place or not. He said I should eat at my place because he was going to a work happy hour and would pick me up when it was over. That was at 5:30.

At 11:00, no word from the Big J, so I went to bed. At 11:30, my phone rings, waking me up (of course).

"I am so fucked up."
"I figured. You're not driving home, are you?"
"I'm not that fucked up."
"You're fucked up enough to call me to tell me you're fucked up."
"I'm fine. I stopped drinking and sobered up for awhile before I left the bar."
"Oh, good. I feel much better about you driving then."

We talked until he safely arrived home.

The happy hour was with his new co-workers/bosses/something. While he was in Georgia, he was re-assigned to several new contracts [most of which require some travel. gah!]. Apparently, this happy hour was so he could meet and be met.

Said John, "It does require travel [pause]. But, not a lot [pause]. Maybe you could drive up and meet me on the weekends [pause]. I'll be going to King of Prussia."

Where? What? Isn't that a person? No? It's a city? Isn't that a bit like saying you live in President of the United States, MO?

King. of. Prussia. What the fuck up with that name?

Anyway, that was pretty much the gist of the conversation. More travel means more dog-sitting. Bleah.

So, last night, while waiting for John to call (ha! The song with the lyrics "Waiting for the stars to fall" just started playing in my head!), I watched Mad Hot Ballroom which was friggin' awesome! I so want to learn to merengue now. hot! hot! hot!

I also knitted a couple of rows on the Neverending Sweater of Doom. If I ever finish this friggin' sweater it will be a miracle (but not as sweet as banana puddin').

Not much on the agenda for today. Maybe I'll balance my checkbook ...

Ha! I Made a Funny!

from a recent IM conversation:

Anonymous IM Buddy: Do you think Catholic priests masturbate?
vuboq: Yes.
vuboq: religiously.
vuboq: hahahahahahahaha.

ok. maybe it wasn't *that* funny.

I'm Having That Not-So-Fresh Feeling

Due to a miscalculation on my part, I did not have any clean underwear at John's this morning. I thought I had left several new pair there, but -apparently- I took them home with the rest of my clean laundry yesterday.

Thus, I had to partake in the Dig Through the Laundry Basket for Old Undies and Sniff Ritual. Not. fun. The cute jockstrap from yesterday was definitely out. I finally found a pair of boxer briefs from my weekend trip that didn't reek, which I am wearing now.

According to Mush, worn-once undies are OK. I am trusting her judgement on this.

I feel dirty. And not in the good way.

Pennies from Heaven

Every time it rains it rains/ Pennies from heaven./ Don't you know each cloud contains/ Pennies from heaven.

Or every package contains Cookies from Adam. I'm trying to save them for my lunch break. We'll see if it can happen, because they look and smell so yummilicious! Thanks, Adam!!!!

The wedding rundown ...

I arrived late Thursday night (around 10:30PM or so), after being stuck in a traffic jam in downtown Atlanta (I-75?) at 10PM. Traffic! At 10PM! You'd think I was driving on the Beltway or something.

I met Catherine at the hotel and heard her hardluck tale of bad hotel luck, involving lost reservations, smoking rooms, and bad rollaway beds. I'm glad I arrived after all of that happened.

The next day, I blobbed around the hotel, while Catherine went to a Girlie Bridal Lingerie Picnic in the Marietta Square. It was originally planned to be held at a cute little tea shop, but the tea shop went out of business without notifying parties with reservations.

That afternoon, I drove to the rehearsal at the Marietta Garden Education Center, a beautiful old house with a lovely garden (the site of the wedding). The weather was stunning. The Blue Angels roaring overhead was a bit distracting though.

After the rehearsal, we went back to the hotel for a quick freshening up. Then, we drove over to Uncle Ray and Aunt Don's house for the rehearsal dinner: a pig-pickin'! I so miss being able to eat pulled pork barbeque. *sigh*

The spread wasn't exactly veggie-friendly, so I had a coleslaw sandwich and potato salad. Fortunately, there were lots of margaritas and Georgia microbrewed beer to be drunk and home-made banana puddin' to be eaten. OMFG! The banana puddin' so rocked! Quoth one of Colin's nephews, who had never had banana puddin' before (shock!), "It's a miracle!"

As bridesmaids, Catherine and I had to be at the wedding site at 10AM. GAH! Somehow, we made it.

Everything at the wedding went flawlessly. Prior to, the caterers served hors d'oeurves, mini orange muffins stuffed with turkey and scallops wrapped in bacon, to the guests and wedding party. The wedding, itself, was short and sweet. Suzanne looked great in her hand-sewn wedding dress. Yes, she made it herself. WOW. And, Colin looked handsome in his new suit.

After the wedding, there were lots of pictures taken and then the bridal party got to open the buffet! YAY! Pasta salad, chicken salad, green beans with almonds, my favorite: cheese grits, asparagus quiche, and country ham. YUM.

The wedding was full of cute little touches: old pictures of grandparents' weddings decorated the rooms, the boutineers and bouquets had rosemary from Aunt Don's garden, mint juleps with homemade mint syrup from the same garden, bellinis with homemade peach puree from Georgia peaches picked last summer, pottery wine glasses from Puebla ...

The wedding cake was delicious - made from scratch with a buttercreme frosting. YUM! As Noel said, "it has such a delicate crumb." I'm not exactly sure what that means, but ... oooh ... so good.

After the reception, I drove Federica, Suzanne's former intern from Sardinia, back to the house to pick up her luggage. She stayed with us that night, so Catherine could drive her to the airport in the morning (4:45AM. ugh.).

Saturday night, Theresa, one of Suzanne's oldest friends, hosted a post-wedding party at a local restaurant. Yummy drinks and appetizers were had by all.

Sunday, I slept in. Then, I found a mexican restaurant for an early lunch. Much to my dismay, when I ordered a beer, I discovered that booze could not be served until after 12:30. *curses Southern blue laws*

Then, I drove back out to the house to watch Suzanne and Colin open their gifts. What a haul! I should get married. Ha.

Once they finished, I left to drive to Spelman University to visit with Christal. We ended up going out to a newish part of Atlanta, Atlantic Station, and having dinner at Grapes (a wine bar/cafe). The food was good, as was the wine. And, there was live music. It was a fun night out.

We got up early Monday to go to the airport. I had an afternoon flight, but switched to an early morning one. I arrived back in DC around 11. John met me at the airport and we went to Zorba's in Dupont Circle for lunch.

Then, we headed back to his place and had sex for HOURS! hot hot hot. In fact, I'm getting a little light-headed just thinking about it. mmmm ...

*snaps out of it*

Later, I went over to my place to play with my pussy. She seemed none the worse for wear. I need to unpack all of my stuff this evening, I guess. When I got back, we had dinner [I forgot to take pictures for Meatfree Monday], blobbed around, talked, and then went to bed.

Waking up together was really nice this morning. I missed it a lot.

I'm BAAAAACK!

I flew in from Atlanta this morning ... and, boy, are my arms tired. [*heh*]

so is my ass, but that's another entry.

Anyway, I just uploaded some pictures from the wedding. Check them out :-)

Details to come tomorrow.

*smooches*